Duncan Lay: The real disaster on Sydney trains
FORGET strikes, delays, no airconditioning and pre-recorded apologies. No, the worst thing about Sydney Trains right now is those signs in carriages that attempt to use crude rhymes to persuade us to behave better, Duncan Lay writes.
Opinion
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FORGET strikes, delays, no airconditioning and pre-recorded apologies that have about as much sincerity as Hannibal Lecter regretting cutting out your liver to enjoy with his chianti.
No, the worst thing about Sydney Trains right now is those signs in carriages that attempt to use crude rhymes to persuade us to behave better — such as “Pushing through simply won’t do”.
Here’s one for the brainboxes behind this idea: “Signs that are crappy won’t make people happy.”
No doubt some marketing “genius” was paid sacks of taxpayer cash to come up with this. But that’s not what really offends me.
It’s the idea that there was a meeting (or, more likely, a whole series of meetings) where otherwise intelligent people decided that all you need to stop some drunken dickhead from infuriating everyone else in the carriage is a rhyming sticker.
Once said sticker is pointed out, the dickhead will stop what they are doing and reconsider their actions and, presumably, lifestyle choices.
They will stop acting like a mouth-breathing parasite on society and immediately devote themselves to looking after the elderly, and begin rescuing fluffy kittens.
Obviously there is more likelihood of the trains running on time.
I’m struggling with the concept that someone with their feet up on the seat in front, bags on either side, bellowing swearwords into their mobile phone, will look up at a cartoon sign and have an epiphany: “Wow, I didn’t realise that I’m being selfish and people might find what I’m doing offensive. Geez, luckily that sticker was there or I might have kept doing it.”
So what can be done about dickheads on our trains?
Well, armed guards with a licence to shoot to kill is tempting but a bit extreme. Maybe a little light Taser-ing?
But I think perhaps the best thing is to force them to spend hours and hours in meetings with the mob that came up with the stickers.
That way they won’t be on the trains annoying us and the gurus won’t have time to come up with any more brilliant ideas because there’ll be fools drawing a giant cock and balls on their whiteboard, playing Celebrity (dick) Head with the sticky notes and trying to call their mates on the conference phone.
It’s a win-win.