Don’t like Christmas? Don’t have the day off

People who take offence at the word ‘Christmas’ and want it taken out of greetings and council displays should give up their Christmas Day holiday and work right through the festive season instead, writes Joe Hildebrand.

Another Christmas is upon us and with it the greatest Christmas gift that any journalist could ask for: Godless trendoids and gutless technocrats refusing to use the word “Christmas” at all.

It doesn’t matter how many times they are caught out and called out, a certain type of person will always feel compelled to use the nauseatingly hokey “Happy Holidays” or the even more anaemic “Season’s Greetings” instead of the tried and true “Merry Christmas”.

And right on cue people will get outraged about it, columns like this will be written, and the cycle continues. It’s a Christmas tradition to rival reindeer hats and sticky pudding.

But I am genuinely outraged about it, and not because it offends my deeply held Christianity or is emblematic of the long march of cultural Marxism through Western institutions.

I am outraged because it is just so dumb.

It’s not that I’m wedded to the phrase “Merry Christmas”. In fact, as an Irish Catholic, we were always told that the correct expression was “Happy Christmas” because “Merry” promoted inebriation.

Thus at the end of mass at St Mary’s Dandenong, Father Guelen would wish us a “Happy and Holy Christmas” in the hope that this would encourage us to reflect on the miracle of Christ’s birth rather than just getting drunk and fighting with each other.

Needless to say he hoped in vain.

A Christmas tree in Martin Place. Picture: NCA Newswire/ Gaye Gerard

Either way, however, the word “Christ” is front and centre and this is important because — spoiler alert — without Christ there is no Christmas. The clue is in the name.

And so if people want to avoid the term in order to show how “inclusive” they are, that’s just fine. It just means they shouldn’t get Christmas at all.

Thus if a local council thinks it can’t risk detonating a social firebomb by putting the word “Christmas” on its decorations, it is probably right.

It should therefore prove its commitment to community cohesions by having all council employees work through the festive season rather than flexing their Western imperialism by taking time off.

After all, if even wishing people happy Christmas is deemed non-inclusive or offensive to other faiths and cultures, then shoving a public holiday down their throat must be a declaration of war.

In the interests of community cohesion, it is therefore vital that any organisation which feels it inappropriate to use the word “Christmas” in its communications ensures that its executive team work through the holiday period in order to avoid committing a hate crime.

Although the word “holiday” is also problematic, especially to atheists.

Unfortunately it is derived from the words “holy day”, literally a day when work is ceased for religious reasons.

This obviously doesn’t square with the godless, who are too smart by half to have any truck with all this religious nonsense.

Therefore we should respect their rational convictions by sparing them the ignominy of this ritual.

From now on atheists should be free from holy days! No school holy days! No summer holy days! And sure as hell – sorry, heck – no Christmas holy days!

In fact days themselves are also offensive to Christians and nonbelievers alike, named after the pagan gods. Wednesday is Woden or Oden’s day, Thursday is Thor’s day and Friday is Frigg or Freyja’s day.

This obviously will not do and I expect all local councils to adjust their bin collection calendar accordingly.

Perhaps they could adopt the 10-day week that French revolutionaries pioneered. If only it had lasted there would be no racism today.

Jo Hildebrand writes that people who don’t believe in celebrating Christmas should not get the holiday off for it. Picture: Monique Harmer

Today is 2024AD, incidentally, which is obviously another massive red flag. This is “anno Domini” or “the year of our Lord”, measuring time itself from the birth of Jesus Christ.

Already some have acknowledged this is inappropriate and so have started using the term “Common Era”, although strangely the years all still start at exactly the same time.

This isn’t good enough – and it makes no sense anyway. If we’re erasing the very mention of Christ on the day we’re supposed to celebrate his birth, then what on Earth are we doing measuring all time from it?

And that’s what’s so dumb about all of this. People don’t want to say the word Christmas but they’re happy to take all the holidays it brings. They want to reap all the benefits while seeking to erase the reason they exist.

And unless atheists want to wipe out half the days of the week and the entire Gregorian calendar they might find that they are involved in more religious ritual than they realise.

This is the history and tradition that has produced the very way we live and so many of the things we take for granted. If people don’t like where they came from then they should hand back the goods.

And to everybody else, happy Christmas! Try not to get too drunk!

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