David Elliott: Why growing up in the 1970s and ’80s was the best

David Elliott harks back to his suburban Sydney childhood — and believes the banning of one regular event marked the beginning of the woke pandemic that now riddles Australian society.

Did Mickey Mouse ever make an honest woman out of Minnie? Picture: AFP

That’s it! At 54 years young my responsibilities as a provider are ­officially over.

With our youngest finishing his university studies this week and leaving for the army tomorrow, I will have no more legal dependants (unlike Lady Elliott, on account that she still has me).

For the first time in 20 years I won’t be living with a student, nor will I have legislative obligations to provide for anyone in my charge.

The child-rearing phase of our life is over and it got me thinking about my own childhood. Here is a list of the best things about growing up in suburban Australia in the 1970s and ’80s.

Cartoons before the film

It’s no coincidence that we saw a major shift in social norms in the same decade that cinema companies stopped playing cartoons before the main feature.

I still spend hours researching whether Mickey ever made an honest woman of Minnie — or was he simply waiting for the “No Fault Divorce” laws to be gazetted. You know, just in case.

Pocket money was a weekly treat — and the start of David Elliott’s love of negotiating.

Pocket money

The days when Dad got paid in cash on a Thursday afternoon meant on Friday morning I would wake up to find 20 cents left on the kitchen bench. It was my introduction to the world of high finance.

By third grade I had discovered the burden of inflation, at which point I became a passionate advocate for a strong conciliation and arbitration system. These lessons served me well later in life when I had to deal with the rail unions.

Media magnate Kerry Packer loomed large in the 1980s.

Kerry Packer

They just don’t make ’em like KP any more. World Series Cricket, Channel 9, Women’s Weekly. Not to mention his coal mining, petroleum and casino operations.

Who could forget the contempt he showed a parliamentary inquiry that dared suggest Packer may not like paying tax?

It was an inspiration to all and not seen again until Mick Fuller and I had to face an estimates committee.

Black Stump Restaurant

What an introduction to the life of the rich and famous!

My first taste of Dutch Croquet came one Saturday night at the Bankstown Black Stump. And to think their advertising campaign featured an endorsement from Steve Mortimer. Steve Mortimer I tell you!

Dinner at Black Stump was always a treat.

What about the preferred drink for a nine-year-old, the Red Fire Truck?

Unfortunately, I was strictly rationed to just one glass on account of the sugar content.

The Entrance

If your parents are Teals you probably don’t know where The Entrance is, so next time daddy is flying you home from St Moritz, look out the right-hand side of the first-class cabin as you commence your descent and you will see the most amazing place to create childhood memories.

We had our standing site for Dad’s pop-up caravan. Forget bungy jumping and cross-country skiing, you haven’t lived unless you’ve had to start your morning ablutions by clearing the dunny of redback spiders.

BMX bikes

Before you could risk your life riding an e-bike down George St, we had fine opportunities to self-harm using a BMX.

Mine was a Cyclops Amaroo and I got it for my 10th birthday. It gave me untold freedom — so long as I didn’t leave the street.

Nothing like starting your day by clearing redbacks from the dunny. Picture: J. Hodgson

Lawns

The most significant status symbol for any self-respecting suburban dad.

Nothing beats the smell of freshly cut Australian grass, and I don’t mean the type The Greens want eight-year-olds to smoke. I mean Sir Walter Buffalo, couch, kikuyu.

Before the days of councils insisting on you putting your cuttings in a big green wheelie bin, we would empty the catcher in the corner of the yard until it was dry enough to burn, thereby smoking up the place so badly our school uniforms reeked like a cigar bar.

Fortunately, our teachers all smoked, so no questions were asked.

Cracker night

The banning of which was surely the beginning of the woke pandemic that now riddles Australian society. It did, however, provide certain “commercial” opportunities for those of us prepared to take a risk.

Backyard fireworks were the best ... for entrepreneurial Master Elliott. Picture: iStock

Having hoarded a few bags of contraband in the period leading up to the ban, I was able to meet the demand from kids at school until one of the seniors muscled in on the action and put me out of business.

With no ACCC back in the day I was forced to carry a grudge, which I realised 30 years later when I was police minister, and he asked for my help to get his son in. I brushed him.

Sport

If you followed the Eels and Wallabies in the 1980s you were on solid ground.

I remember going with my mates to Cumberland Oval to celebrate after the Eels had won the 1981 Grand Final. That’s how I got the nickname “Nero”.

Love those childhood memories.

What’s your favourite childhood memory from the 1970s and 1980s? Tell us in the comments below.