Canberra, the capital of delicious party chaos

Remember those smug Australian politicians sneering at Donald Trump’s 100 days of alleged chaos? Well, they’re not sneering now, they’re too busy creating chaos of their own, writes Tim Blair.

Nature balances itself. After suffering through Australia’s dullest election campaign, we’re now being rewarded with a truly popcorn-worthy multi-party parliamentary bloodbath.

Remember all those smug Australian politicians sneering at Donald Trump’s 100 days of alleged chaos? Well, they’re not sneering now. They’re too busy creating chaos of their own.

Let’s start with the Liberal Party, which lost the election war to Labor and now seem set on losing the post-election peace.

Ahead of Tuesday’s leadership vote, departing Liberal senator Hollie Hughes accused aspiring Liberal numero uno Angus Taylor of previously planning a “a coup against Peter Dutton”.

Hughes also claimed that the shadow treasurer “insulted not only every Liberal woman but every Liberal Party member in the parliamentary team” by luring Jacinta Price from the Nationals to run as a prospective deputy to Taylor.

Some may argue that the Liberal Party insulted all of us by not allowing Price greater prominence during the election campaign. By “some”, of course, I mean me and every Coalition voter I’ve spoken with.

Senator Hollie Hughes during Question Time in the Senate at Parliament House in Canberra. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Martin Ollman

For his part, Taylor said on Monday that Hughes’s claims were “false and frankly low”. It’s a culture of division and rage among our Liberal friends – but according to Liberal federal vice president Fiona Scott, we shouldn’t be talking about culture at all.

“There is good and bad in all cultures,” Scott said last week. “It’s ignorant to dismiss cultures or to rank cultures.”

The former member for Lindsay was responding to an online chat between ex-Nationals leader turned popular podcaster John Anderson and former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, during which both gentlemen asserted, reasonably enough, that “all cultures are not equal”.

Fiona Scott disagrees. Presumably, then, she’s just as happy with Labor’s welfare culture as she would be with a low-taxing culture of industry and self-reliance.

She may also ask herself why, in a world of equal cultures, so many people prefer to live in Australia than their nation of origin. On the issue of culture, Somalians – among many millions of others – are voting with their feet.

Certain Labor figures are likewise using their feet, but for stamping them on the floor. Labor’s Ed Husic got dumped last week from the Albanese government’s front benches – and he wasn’t best pleased, calling Deputy PM Richard Marles a party room “assassin” who wielded “a factional club to reshape the ministry”.

Labor fans, Husic said, had quickly fallen from “the high of Saturday and a terrific and tremendous win to the lows of factional grubbiness”.

Minister for Industry and Science Ed Husic at the Fish Factory. Picture, John Gass

Please, Ed. They’re Labor fans. Half of them probably use “factional grubbiness” as their log-in password at The Guardian.

Anyway, the dismissed industry and science minister was a bit of a Johnny No-Mates within senior Labor circles even before his Marles mauling, so we possibly won’t be hearing too much support for him from any NSW Right comrades.

They’re Husic of him, but at least he still has his seat – unlike most of the lower house Greens, who’ve been sent to a post-career communal wellness yurt.

This delightful turn of events startled political observers and the Greens themselves, who right up until their moment of doom were drafting power-sharing plans for the ALP.

Greens Senator David Shoebridge was dismayed by his party’s performance, as you’d expect. All credit to him, though, for subsequently fronting up on Sky News for a post-election analysis with presenter Andrew Clennell.

David Shoebridge pictured speaking at the pro Palestine rally in Hyde Park. Picture: NewsWire / Monique Harmer

Unfortunately for Shoebridge, his chat went about as well as the Greens’ election effort. Questioned about his party’s transition from nature boys to Palestinian cheerleaders, Shoebridge came up with this ripper: “I think what we’ve actually seen is a broadening of our base. Our base is actually more resilient now that it would have been 10 or 15 years ago.”

Yep. They’ve broadened from four seats in the House of Reps to just one. Shoebridge really should have used that famous line from Spinal Tap’s manager, explaining why his band was no longer filling stadiums: “Their appeal is becoming more selective.”

To Clennell’s obvious and understandable puzzlement, Shoebridge then went on an extended riff about Sky News’s supposed “base”. Election failures turn our Greens into little grouches.

Again to his credit, however, Shoebridge did provide his next interviewer with a great opportunity for televisual gold. Invited by Clennell to nominate his preferred new Greens leader, Shoebridge said: “The bulk of our party room are women, and I think it’s time, it would be good to see a woman lead the Greens.”

Over to you, next interviewer. Ask Shoebridge what a woman is.