Anthony Albanese will make it to Lodge as conservative vote splits

The word on the street – or should that be on the back roads where grey nomads travel – is that Anthony Albanese is a shoo-in for the Lodge, writes Peter Gleeson.

The word on the street – or should that be on the back roads of Australia in Grey Nomad land – is that Anthony Albanese is sleepwalking his way into The Lodge.

Scott Morrison’s “quiet Australians’’ are worried he’s gone a bit woke on climate change and isn’t living up to his promise.

Word on the Grey Nomad grapevine is while they won’t vote for those terrible socialists in the Labor Party, Pauline Hanson, Campbell Newman or even Clive Palmer are becoming attractive voting options. Of course, a splintering of the conservative vote is all Labor needs to waltz into power.

Anthony Albanese speaks to the media in Sydney. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Flavio Brancaleone

And let’s not forget Albanese’s got Dan Andrews, Mark McGowan and Annastacia Palaszczuk picking fights every day with Canberra, and some of that stuff will stick. It’s a scary thought, so in the interests of giving voters an insight into the first few days of a Labor federal government, let’s dust off that crystal ball and delve into the future.

As Albo puts his feet up on his first night at The Lodge after winning the election, dressed in his favourite Rabbitohs jersey, the phone calls begin.

The first call comes from Kevin Rudd, who tells him to expedite the Glasgow renewal targets.

Pity those miners who switched their votes back to Labor after being promised they wouldn’t lose their jobs. They’re about to get a crash course in career “transitioning’’.

Then there’s ACTU supremo Sally McManus, telling Albo wages and welfare growth must go up significantly, fuelling inflation.

“Albo, it’s Jim Chalmers, what are we doing first,’’ the Treasurer says.

“Yes Jim, just whack the corporate tax rate up another five per cent and while you’re at it, let’s hit anybody who earns over $120,000 with the (taxation) kitchen sink,’’ says Albo.

A peasant pipes up: “Dan Andrews is on the phone’’.

“Danny boy, how are you?’’ says Albo. “How good was Annastacia and Mark over there in Perth. This Covid caper has worked a treat for us. The voters thought it was actually us that paid them the JobKeeper. Great messaging from state Labor.’’

Then it’s the turn of Chinese despot Xi Jinping. “Albo, so glad you won, Comrade,’’ says the Chinese leader. “You heard of Belt and Road? Yes, let’s roll it out everywhere in Australia.’’

The final call comes from Turnbull.

“Malcolm, thanks for all your help,’’ says Albo.

“It was nothing really, Anthony. Did you say Ambassador’s job in Washington? I’d be honoured, Mr Prime Minister.’’

Might even make a TV series. Yes, Albo And His Mates, starting soon on your ABC.