Annette Sharp: A gay wedding checklist to help create the perfect day
IT’S been an emotional 96 hours for the nation’s gay population following Wednesday’s historic announcement — an event that triggered a flood of teary proposals and is driving a wedding bubble in 2018. Here’s a checklist to help create the perfect wedding.
Opinion
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IT’S been an emotional 96 hours for the nation’s gay population following Wednesday’s historic announcement — an event that triggered a flood of teary proposals and is driving a wedding bubble in 2018.
After decades in stable relationships, Sydney’s gay community is now exuberantly booking wedding planners and preparing to make their own grand statements of love in a series of gay weddings that one can expect to be choreographed with Bob Fosse precision and Orry-Kelly flair.
But even Sydney’s elite creatives need a gay wedding checklist to help sort the non-negotiables from the naff.
1. Legislation
The priority for gays now is the Senate bill that is expected to be passed into law before Christmas following some spirited debate.
2. Wardrobe
Sydney’s stylish gays do not underestimate the importance of a great (and expensive) suit or gown.
“It’s a day when you will want to get the details absolutely right. Men and women alike look great in beautiful suits. For men that’s Tom Ford, Arthur Galan, Calibre,” said fashion designer Jayson Brunsdon, who last week started planning his wedding to his partner of 18 years Aaron Elias Brunsdon, with whom he has a two-year-old son Roman.
Brunsdon and Elias have been engaged for 16 years. The designer said last week’s victory was “one of the best days of our lives”.
Compared with their male counterparts, Sydney’s lesbians seem entirely relaxed about their wedding day costumes. Said one: “We never thought the vote would succeed, so we’ve made no plans, unlike the guys who’ve been planning their weddings for years.”
3. Choose a location
While gay men have been travelling abroad for their commitment ceremonies for decades — Mykonos a favourite — a spike in local weddings is now expected. Mark Cavanagh, director of PR agency Cav-Con, will marry his partner of 37 years, historian-author-performer Warren Fahey, next year. Cavanagh said gay couples are drawn to unique and memorable locations and are looking to create “of the moment” events that are hard to replicate. He cited Jonah’s Restaurant at Whale Beach as a particular favourite but noted a surge in gay weddings at Byron Bay.
4. Choose a date
Days, months, seasons — all have tremendous significance to Sydney’s gay population.
For acclaimed hair stylist Brad Ngata and his partner of 23 years Glenn Chaplin, the ideal location is their beautiful home in the Blue Mountains in the spring of 2018: “We will marry in our garden,” said Chaplin, Ngata’s business and life partner, who accepted Ngata’s proposal three years ago. “I will plant bulbs come March and I look forward to marrying Brad when the tulips and rhododendrons are in bloom.”
Christine Forster and her partner Virginia Edwards have “booked a date, we’ve booked our venue, we’ve got our rings, we’ve got our beautiful designer and we’re doing it on the 2nd of Feb.”.
5. Celebrant
Alex Zabotto-Bentley, director of award-winning event design and interior design firm AZBcreative, was run off his feet on Wednesday with five gay weddings booked that day. He said while encouraging couples to choose a wedding planner topped his checklist, the choice of celebrant was equally important. “There can be a lot of anxiety about missing out on traditional religious ceremonies on a hugely emotional day. The words are important. They are legally binding. These people don’t want to put what may well be the biggest day of their lives into the wrong hands. Getting the celebrant right is critical.” Forster and Edwards have already booked their celebrant for their 2018 wedding.
6. Guest List
For some, the wedding will be shared with an intimate group of family and friends, though Brunsdon admits he may have a problem keeping his numbers tight: “Aaron has a huge Jewish family — between us we have family and friends in Singapore, England and America. It has the potential to be enormous but hopefully we can contain it.”
7. Diet and Exercise
“There will be a lot of dieting and exercising beforehand,” said Brunsdon, echoing the words of every bride — ever.
8. Personalised vows
While all agree long traditional speeches are no longer the order of the day, a heartfelt declaration of love from both partners is regarded as essential.
9. Cocktails (and food)
Gone is the long bridal table and venue packed with formal tables of 10. The Brunsdons are planning a casual cocktail party with plentiful canapés and finger food. So too are Cavanagh and the Ngata-Chaplins, who plan a garden party.
10. Music
“All the great disco hits from the 1970s on,” said Brunsdon, listing Cher, Madonna, George Michael and Diana Ross among faves on his wedding-day playlist. Cavanagh agreed the aforementioned artists, along with Lady Gaga, Rhianna and Drake, had their part to play in the later hours, but said it would be a mistake to “barrel down the disco path too early”.
“I’d like to think we will incorporate meaningful music that reflects our years together,” he said.
11. A hint of family tradition
The “something old, something new” is redundant, but the Brunsdons and the Ngata-Chaplins hope to find roles for their sons in the day’s proceedings.
12. Rings
May already have them but some, like Chaplin, may have new rings designed incorporating diamonds from treasured rings once owned by mum and grandma.
13. Flowers and blooms
More important than wedding cake, wedding stationery and even who will give the intended away are flowers: “There can never be too many,” Cavanagh said.
14. Honeymoon
Popular destinations for gay couples are Mykonos, Portugal, Greek isles, Ibiza, Bali, New York and Paris.