Angela Mollard: Why we need to be told when we have crossed the line

When Ted Lasso star Hannah Waddingham snapped at a photographer for asking her to show some leg on a red carpet, but was it the right thing to do asks Angela Mollard.

Does Hannah Waddingham have a leg to stand on? Or, more to the point, do you have a stance on Hannah Waddingham’s legs?

I ask because the talented Ted Lasso actor has caused quite the imbroglio by rebuking a photographer who asked her to “show some leg” as she posed for pictures at the Olivier Awards in London.

“Don’t be a dick,” she told the snapper, who was clearly trying to nail a repeat of the famous Angelina Jolie pose at the 2012 Academy Awards.

“Oh my God, you’d never say that to a man, my friend,” she said, before pointing to the offender and telling him: “Have some manners.”

Opinions are divided. Some believe the poor lensman was doing some legitimate leg work to earn himself a crust, particularly since Waddingham was wearing a lilac dress slit to the hip which, some might argue, was expressly designed to allow an excellent vantage point of said leg. Others were all “you go gurrrl” and fist-pumping because asking a woman to show her leg these days is Benny Hill territory. My best friend disagrees: “She’s an actor making the most of her Amazonian glamour on a red carpet. This is not the hill for us girls to die on. If I was a heterosexual bloke I’d be looking at Hannah in her ‘look at me, here are my legs’ frock and be thinking: ‘I just don’t understand’.” I’ve landed on three thoughts.

Hannah Waddingham told a photographer off after she was asked to show some leg.

I believe Waddingham wanted to show her leg, she just didn’t want to be told when and how she should do it. Secondly, red carpets are grim and predatory and we need to change the whole schtick.

Thirdly, and most critically, I think we need more “dickhead” discussions because challenging these micro infractions or stupidities – and all genders are guilty – are specific, helpful and a birthplace of change. If we want to understand each other, have a tussle and consider another’s perspective, then a little finger wag, not ridiculous weaponising or misplaced #MeTooing is often the way to go. Last weekend a reader spotted a mistake in my column and emailed to inform me. All good there. I appreciate a good-natured correction. Trouble was that Chris (not his real name) decided to have a dig. I won’t go into it but it was snarky and unwarranted.

Normally I let negativity go through to the keeper but on this occasion, I called him out. “I hope you’re as nasty to yourself when you make a very human mistake,” I wrote back.

Chris emailed back promptly: “I absolutely apologise Angela. I was being a dick as my partner pointed out to me. Thanks for getting back to me and giving me a nice uppercut.”

Isn’t that just the best? We are all human. We all err.

We’re all capable of being dickheads. Equally, we’re all having to evolve all the time so why don’t we treat each other’s missteps as an opportunity for learning? The world is changing quickly and, in many cases, necessarily and men, particularly, feel they can’t do or say anything right.

I know when I’ve been a dickhead I’ve appreciated being told. I once said something really stupid to a friend’s son about his choice of study. It was clumsy and a little unkind and she, rightfully, pulled me up on it. I was grateful for the opportunity to reflect and realised that I’m uninhibited by even the smallest amount of alcohol. I made changes to ensure I was more careful.

The great benefit of dickhead discussions like that prompted by Waddingham is that they force us to stretch our thinking rather than cement it. We’re all guilty of Main Character Syndrome, the default setting that makes us see everything through our own eyes, but a good, grown-up life is dependent on being offered opportunities for consideration and growth. Equally, it’s being willing to shift perspective.

I interviewed the actor Christie Whelan Browne just days after actor Craig McLachlan dropped his defamation lawsuit against her. If you remember she claimed McLachlan had sexually assaulted her during The Rocky Horror Show. An earlier criminal trial found McLachlan not guilty but said the complainants were ‘brave and honest witnesses’. As she told me, she hoped the case would prompt conversations.

“I’m sure there are generational gaps and behaviour that has gone on for a long time, so it’s hard to see why it’s wrong,” she told me. “It isn’t simple. It isn’t black and white. But it’s something that needs to be talked about more and needs more attention. The idea that women are out to catch you or hurt you or destroy you is incorrect. They just want to be respected.”

I don’t think we’re suffering an epidemic of dickheadedness but I do think social media has made it more visible. Equally, digital algorithms are designed to entrench our own sense of rightness. Waddingham’s “don’t be a dick” call will be seen as heroic by some and hypocritical by others. But it invited expansive thinking and we need more of that.

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