Angela Mollard: How to make your holiday rental look sharp

Scrap the fancy cookbooks and waxing poetic in a seven page, handwritten manual— holiday rental guests want tea towels, a toilet that works and homeliness, writes Angela Mollard.

Are you still enjoying your holiday?

Well good for you, because I’m not.

Save for this column, I’m largely unencumbered by paid work but I’ve been working myself to the bone doing unpaid work.

To explain, I’ve been helping get my bloke’s pad ready for a holiday rental. He lives in a desirable coastal town and quite reasonably realised that he could offset the cost-of-living crisis by letting it out to paying guests. Thus, for the past week, we’ve been dusting fans, wiping skirting boards and folding endless sodding linen for other people to come and enjoy the beach at the end of his street and the pub with the best view on Australia’s east coast.

Cleaning the house so paying guests can enjoy it. Picture: iStock

Anyway, as I write this after a long day on the tools, he shouted me a pizza and we toasted the guests who are doubtless whooping it up on his veranda, encrusting his barbecue with their fancy marinades and breaking his best beer glasses (actually we didn’t leave those).

By the time you read this, he’ll be ensconced at my place where, I hope, cleaning and garden efforts will be reciprocated but, in the meantime, he’s got his fingers crossed for five-star reviews. As a newbie, he needs an excellent rating and so we drew on our own holiday house rental experiences to draft a checklist of necessary inclusions, grudgingly bestowed comforts and idiosyncrasies repackaged as charms. Feel free to email me with anything we’ve missed.

Welcome to our necessary inclusions, grudgingly bestowed comforts and idiosyncrasies repackaged as charms. Picture: iStock.

KNIVES

Why does every Airbnb have a fancy cookbook propped open at a page showcasing crab linguine or caramelised figs, yet the cutting instruments in the drawer below are sub-student flat and so blunt you can’t slice a banana, let alone a chicken breast? We left ours sharpened to surgical standards which could be problematic since the nearest decent hospital is an hour away.

TEA TOWELS

Forget your champagne and chocolates (we didn’t, top of the range Lindt), what any holidaymaker really wants is a decent tea towel. And not just one but half a dozen. If you’re paying $300 a night, you don’t want to find yourself having to dry your wine glass with a pair of boxer shorts because the single thin tea towel is sodden.

Wine glasses are necessary in a holiday rental – but stemless are more practical. Picture: iStock

WINE GLASSES

Major conundrum – opt for fine-rimmed and fancy and you risk them all being broken in a single booking, or go chunky and utilitarian and your bourgeoise guests leave a one-star review because “we use nothing less than Riedel at home”. Stemless are practical; snobs should BYO.

THE MANUAL

Nothing showcases a homeowner’s smarts and proclivities like a carefully penned manual. Some see this as their Tolstoy moment, recounting the history of the local lighthouse in such verbose prose you never get to your Marian Keyes novel but can name the eight children of the bloke who manned the lighthouse back in 1898 and the particular brand of kerosene he favoured. Brevity is helpful, WiFi passwords are crucial, insider intel appreciated, and humour the icing on the cake. My chap recommended the Thai restaurant as “the real deal”, the Indian as “also the real deal” and the Mexican as “yep, the real deal too”.

THE DODGY TOILET

Every holiday house has one. Be upfront, leave information as to how to manage its idiosyncrasies but make sure there’s another one that functions perfectly.

THE DODGY SHOWER

As above.

TV/BOOKS/GAMES

A lovely addition because, for the first time all year, you get to read or play a game. Avoid anything risqué (Cards of Humanity/Fifty Shades of Grey) and respect the trust being offered. If someone has bothered to dust and colour code the books (me), then someone should not purloin said book because they haven’t finished it by the time they leave.

BODYWASH

A full bottle of something delicious smelling is as essential as clean windows. Big tick for lavender, mandarin or sandalwood scents. Mint and rose should be avoided. Bars of soap are ick.

DISHWASHER TABLETS

Is there anything more annoying – other than long tailbacks on the motorway – than a homeowner leaving just four tablets when you’re staying for nine days. No one minds buying extra loo rolls on holiday but a stingy supply of dishwashing paraphernalia is plain mean.

When it comes to linen, forget thread count and go for the best mattress protector money can buy. Picture: iStock

LINEN

The problem with renting out your home is that while you want guests to admire your good taste, chic styling and attention to home comforts, you don’t actually want them to touch any of it, much less actually lie in the beds or, heaven forbid, get intimate. Forget thread count but go for the best mattress protectors money can buy.

LIGHT SWITCHES

Huge respect to electricians but occasionally their placement of switches is questionable. Having spent many a holiday trying to find the switch for the outdoor light, I appreciate helpful labelling by the homeowner. It’s the small things.

HOMELINESS

Hotels are for luxury, holiday homes are for memories, so make it personal. An umbrella, a pamphlet for a great walk, details for the local surf instructor or a recommendation for where to find the best seafood risotto are all appreciated.

ANGELA LOVES

TV

Colin From Accounts (Binge) is funny and fresh Australian comedy at its best. Superb casting.

Patrick Brammall and Harriet Dyer, the stars of TV hit Colin From Accounts, one my loves this week.

Podcast

Stephen Colbert speaking about grief on All There Is with Anderson Cooper (Spotify) is a deeply moving conversation about losing a loved one.

Movie

The Banshees of Inisherin is being hailed as a global advertising campaign for Ireland but I’d be happy to watch Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson co-star in any film or location. Awards will abound.

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