All these royal wedding souvenirs are getting a bit much

IT’S been difficult to avoid all the pathetic ­attempts to make us buy Prince Harry and Meghan Markle-themed souvenirs. But I’ve tried.

KFC is celebrating the royal couple with a special chicken bucket design. Isn’t that just wonderful?

LAST week I found myself ­infuriated by companies trying to cash in on Mother’s Day (guilt) by suggesting we buy such ridiculous items as the R-rated bondage-a-thon film 50 Shades Freed on DVD.

It appears we need some kind of safe word to stop ­people flogging us rubbish that has nothing to do with the ­actual occasion.

So obviously this week I have been desperately trying to avoid all the pathetic ­attempts to make us buy Prince Harry and Meghan Markle-themed souvenirs.

There’s nothing wrong with a royal wedding.

Goodness knows we need a distraction from all the real ­issues in this often ugly world.

Besides, now that Queen Elizabeth is — let’s face it — getting on a bit, there’s a need for a few extra royals around to cut the ribbons and make the speeches.

And anything that takes the focus off a looming King Charles III and Queen Camilla has to be a good thing.

Still, I do feel a bit better about Camilla since she was pictured looking bored out of her skull by the mind-numbing Commonwealth Games opening ceremony.

Although, while the cam­eras were focused on her, they did miss all those African athletes disappearing out of the side gate in a bid for freedom.

Anyway, the wedding means royal impersonators can get out into the fresh air and dust off their dodgy acts.

Although some of the ones I’ve seen on breakfast TV need to work on their routine a little more. Maybe an actual English accent for a start?

But I find the souvenirs more annoying than the bloke who  once  met Meghan for five minutes in Toronto a ­decade ago who is now telling the world he’s mortally ­insulted he didn’t score an ­invite to the nuptials.

I expected to see Meghan and Harry plates. Although I do feel a little uncertain about a souvenir that invites us to ­repeatedly scrape sharp metal objects across their faces.

The royal beer is even useful and makes more sense the more of it you drink.

Then we move into the realm of colouring-in books, designed to buy into the whole Disney princess fantasy and have girls imagining that one day their prince could come and sweep them off their feet.

There’s a motivational message for the little girls of Australia. I think it’s the wake-up call they needed. All those toddlers must get off their butts and start planning now if they want to bag a prince.

There’s already Prince ­George and Prince Louis up for grabs and Harry and ­Meghan might produce a few extras.

You can’t just expect to waltz into a Sydney pub and walk out with a royal husband.

(Well, OK, Mary Donaldson did that but you’re more likely to end up with a frog than another Prince Frederik).

But, seriously, it’s ridiculous. There doesn’t appear to be any suggestion that little boys need to start dreaming of the day they might marry Princess Charlotte.

Why not? Surely it would beat digging ditches or sitting in a call centre, helping ­bewildered seniors with their computer problems?

Why is there no souvenirs to tempt them into a life of royal husbandry? Look at Prince Philip. There’s an ­example to follow. Although, didn’t he chuck a tantrum at giving up his surname? Oops. Think I’ve just destroyed my argument.

Anyway, the souvenir I’m most upset about is the ­commemorative KFC bucket.

Not because it’s stupid, pointless or ridiculous — ­although it is.

Mainly because it’s not available here and I could ­really go for some fried ­chicken to chase down those Windsor Knot beers.