Sydney socialite shows judge scar caused by millionaire boyfriend’s cigarette lighter
Nellie Tilley read a victim impact statement during a sentencing hearing for Phillip de Angelis, cousin of Stu Laundy, after she was attacked in their luxury eastern suburbs home. “I bled, he won,” she told the Downing Centre Court as she wiped away tears. FULL STATEMENT.
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A Sydney socialite victim of domestic violence has removed her make-up at court to show a magistrate the scar caused when her millionaire boyfriend threw a cigarette lighter at her face.
Nellie Tilley broke down several times yesterday as she recounted the night she was attacked by Phillip de Angelis in their luxury eastern suburbs home.
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Ms Tilley, former wife of Simon Tilley, a confidante of the Packer family, was reading a victim impact statement during a sentencing hearing for de Angelis, cousin of Stu Laundy of Bachelorette fame.
“Seeing his enraged face is something I will never forget. I can’t ever express how terrifying that is,’’ she told the Downing Centre Court as she wiped away tears.
“I don’t even remember seeing the lighter come at me, it was so fast. I remember a searing pain that struck me on my forehead just above my right eye,’’ she said of one attack that left her bloodied on the floor on September 16 two years ago.
“I felt a warm liquid flow down my face into my eyes, cheeks and chin and onto the tiles. Once I was on the floor bleeding, there was actually relief because I knew that it was over, I bled, he won and I felt lower than I ever had before,” she recounted, with her former lover sitting just metres away from her.
De Angelis, 38, of Bondi has pleaded guilty to five charges of assaulting Ms Tilley in 2016 at a Point Piper residence.
He was initially charged with more than 20 offences including choking the 52-year-old mother of three before admitting to a lesser number of charges.
His family is considered one of the wealthiest in the country with his uncle Arthur Laundy regarded as the richest publican in the city and arguably Australia.
Ms Tilley told the court how she had a permanent scar from the incident after seeking treatment at East Sydney Private Hospital.
“(It) is a reminder every day of what I went through. I try every day when I see it to make sure I remind myself how far I have come and to be proud of standing up for myself,” she said.
At the end of her statement she left the courtroom before magistrate Philip Stewart asked her to return to show him the scar which he said was important to see in regards to sentencing.
After Ms Tilley removed her make-up and returned to court, the magistrate said he could see obvious scar tissue on otherwise clean skin.
Mr Stewart adjourned the matter for further submissions on November 30 when it is expected de Angelis will be sentenced.
Ms Tilley told the court she hoped her testimony would empower other victims.
READ THE FULL VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT
I am not able in one statement today to accurately capture or sum up the emotions and impact this has had on me. I end up asking myself so many questions:
1. How do I measure the impact of my love being taken for granted and abused?
2. How do I measure the impact of my trust and compassion being taken advantage of?
3. How do I measure the impact of my sons watching their mother change from a confident positive happy woman to an anxious, edgy, sad and highly strung mum?
4. How do I measure the impact of being socially ostracised for coming forward?
5. How do I measure the impact on my ability to form trusting relationships, terrified of showing vulnerability in any form?
6. How do I measure the impact of being abused when I was meant to feel safe?
7. How do I measure the impact of overhearing men at a table saying I wonder what she did to deserve that?
8. How do I measure the impact of the inability to completely trust my instincts and to feel at time if I’m good enough?
9. How do I measure the impact of doubting myself?
I now question all the things I am and all the things I thought made me a good person. Wanting to love, forgive and nurture. I now question whether I can or could ever be in such a position of vulnerability again.
I am not able to measure this impact, but I only hope by speaking today, by opening up, that I am able to find a place to start to leave this behind me and start new.
It is a very personal, emotional and fearful experience that still challenges me on a daily basis with trying to understand and rationalise how I came to find myself in this relationship.
I understand that I am only legally able to speak of one incident today, the incident on the 14th September 2016 is one which sums up so much about my experiences and feelings throughout a terrible period I went through. And
as much as I try today, it is not possible to express into words what all my emotions and the impact amount too, I don’t think I am strong enough to share it all.
On that night I experienced unwarranted violence from a man I feel took full advantage of me, my weak emotional state, and my inability to physically defend or protect myself. On that occasion, the anger and violence was unpredicted, fast and terrifying.
. Seeing his enraged face is something I will never forget. I can’t ever express how terrifying that is. I don’t even remember seeing the lighter come at me, it was so fast. I remember a searing pain that struck me on my forehead just above my right eye. I remember falling to the floor in incredible pain where I felt a warm liquid flow down my face into my eyes, cheeks and chin and onto the tiles. Once I was on the floor bleeding, there was actually relief because I knew that it was over, I bled, he won and I felt lower than I ever had before.
That night, my first response was not for myself, but to make sure I placated him, to use my pain and injuries as a way to calm him down. The wound took a while to stop bleeding. I used a thick pad of tissues and wore a baseball cap to keep the compression on it to stop the bleeding and to hide it. The next morning after sending pictures of my injury to my Dr’s wife, I was told by his wife, upon advice, to go straight to East Sydney Private Hospital. The inability to have the courage to ask for help even at that stage was so outside of my options due to the fear I felt if I told the truth.
The disgust I felt for him was nothing compared to the disgust I had for myself and still feeling powerless to do anything.
I have a permanent scar on my face from this incident, a reminder every day of what I went through. I try every day when I see it to make sure I remind myself how far I have come and to be proud of standing up for myself.
For the last 11 years I have been a single mother to 3 incredible beautiful young boys, they are kind, gentle and loving young men. As their mother, one of my primary goals is to show the boys the importance of being respectful, honourable and courteous to women. To never bully or intimidate or threaten people. I have protected my children at all costs throughout all this, but I hope my boys if they ever fully understand what I went through will see that finding the courage to finally ask for help and justice is a positive.
To come forward has meant I’m either not believed or judged by my peers for having endured pain from a loved one and put up with it. It has been safer for me to keep the emotions bottled up, rather than try to explain the unexplainable. . Today is a rare moment where I have shared my feelings publicly.
I was so afraid to share any of what I was going through and how I felt because when people have a perception of you as a strong happy vibrant person it’s hard to shatter than image, both socially and professionally, I fear even now being unsupported by the system as the victim.
However today is an opportunity for me to be vulnerable again, to stand up here and share something deeply distressing and private is being vulnerable, and to hopefully somehow start to heal now that I have some closure.
I hope from all this that I can finally move on knowing that maybe my story may help another woman in the same circumstance or for people hearing this can offer support to a woman going thru this rather than judgment, and this experience can show that both the victim and the perpetrator need support, and my belief that everyone can always be better than their worse moments.
After months of being made to feel that the police would be my last resort I finally found the courage to walk in and ask for help.
A huge toll and price has been paid in doing that, it was not easy and the last 2 years going through the legal system leading up to today have in all honesty been overwhelmingly distressing and stressful. I knew that one day I may have to give evidence and put myself and family through a painful experience publicly that sadly sometimes does not seem to protect the victim.
I have never experienced a relationship where I have been physically hurt or threatened before. There is no handbook on how to cope when the situation occurs especially in what is meant to be a loving safe environment. I was emotionally unprepared for what I should do, as a woman my instincts are to protect and support and love, all these fundamental feelings are challenged.
Ms Janelle Tilley
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