Jules Sebastian on the importance of communication during lockdown

Jules Sebastian shares the heartache of losing her brother to suicide 13 years on and reveals the importance of allowing her young sons to talk about their feelings — where nothing is off limits.

When Jules and Guy Sebastian put their young sons Hudson and Archie to bed each night, they encourage them to talk about their feelings — and nothing is “off limits”.

Because both Sebastians have been deeply affected by suicide and know how important caring for your mental health can be.

It’s been 13 years since her brother took his life, while Guy wrote Choir for close friend Luke Liang, who lost his battle with mental health in 2018.

“I can speak on behalf of somebody who has been left behind and what that does to a person, what that does to a family, is unimaginable,” Jules said.

“The grief never goes away. I think if I could shine a light on my own situation, I would have wished and hoped that my brother talked about things more.”

So every night the Sebastians take time to talk with their children.

“We always encourage our kids to just say how they feel and talk about it — and nothing is off limits,” Jules said.

“Even though they’re little kids, their problems are just as big as ours are to us, so I just try and tread tenderly and listen and try to turn the little ship around and think about tomorrow — a new day.”

Jules and Guy Sebastian with their children Archer and Hudson. Picture: Supplied

She believes going to bed knowing tomorrow is a new day can make all the difference.

“I always find when putting kids to bed, that’s when they open up the most, so I find that time really, really special,” she said.

“We put a meditation on so it’s calm, there’s beautiful music playing or doing some breathing exercises, and then it all just kind of comes out how they’re feeling.”

And these are important conversations that are needed in lockdown more than ever, with Jules encouraging everyone to make that effort.

“Just having a conversation with a family member or friend in lockdown times, on FaceTime and phone calls or walks with a friend — I find that once you sort of get it out of your body, it’ll be all of a sudden becomes a much smaller problem when the when the load is shared,” she said.

She said a peer-to-peer program used in schools by The Sebastian Foundation had reached 5000 Aussie kids, targeting the mental health issues they experience every day, giving tools and strategies on how to cope.

“They’re watching other kids their age tell their story about mental health and what they’ve done in their life to get through it — so it’s not a teacher banging on and it’s not their parents … it’s another person their age saying: ‘Hey, this is what I went through, this is how I got around it and this is what I’m doing now’.”

Lockdown has been tough on the family. Not touring has been hard on Guy, with performing and connecting with people being his passion, she said.

Jules Sebastian has become an ambassador for Mood Tea. Picture: Carlotta Moye

“I mean, there’s only so many times you can perform to the other three other people in your home,” she laughed.

“There has been a lot of piano playing … so much of it.

“But he’s doing great, and of course so grateful that they were able to film The Voice before all of this happened.”

While Guy is busy with The Voice and in the studio, Jules manages the bulk of homeschooling.

Hudson, in Year 4, has just built a flying fox using a rope hanging from the top of the staircase with a flying teddy bear, while Archie, in Year 1, is doing fractions for the first time.

“It’s an art project so scissors and paper everywhere … and fractions, well that’s hard,” she smiled.

“People often think I am positive all the time — and I was like, ask my family because I mean, no one’s 100 per cent positive, 100 per cent of the time.

“But I’m actually loving the long walks and our dog is just the happiest thing ever with so many walks.

“We’ve been using the pool and lots of cooking — all of the stuff, it’s exactly the same as it is in everyone’s houses right now.”

She takes walks with friends and has themed trivia nights on Zoom to stay connected.

“I can’t believe how many steps I’m doing — my record for one day in lockdown was 35,000 steps, I was so tired,” she laughed.

Jules and Guy Sebastian founded The Sebastian Foundation. Picture: Toby Zerna

“I have found myself an excellent bunch of school mums and we have Friday night chats which are getting earlier and earlier. We get on and talk about the most random things and whatever is happening to someone. One of the mums has started a new job in the middle of lockdown and she has four kids, another one is in recovery from breast cancer and everyone is just navigating all of the things.

“And we’ve also started a family and close friends trivia night every Saturday which has been so good.

“This week was you come dressed as each other. We’ve got a onesie night coming up and you have to think of a few questions too, so it’s fun.

“It actually gets you through the week because it’s something to look forward to.”

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Sebastian is the author of a best-selling book Tea And Honesty and has signed up as an ambassador for Mood Tea. Profits fund mental health programs run by charities including The Sebastian Foundation, batyr and Backtrack.

Every day nine people in Australia die by suicide, with it being the leading cause of death for young people aged 15-44.

Mood Tea is available in flavours including Happy Days and Be Kind, and every tea bought gives back to mental health charities.

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636