How this rugby league fan became a Sydney Swans tragic

It’s not easy for a diehard rugby league fan to reveal they’re now a Sydney Swans tragic. But for Dane Eldridge, there’s one key reason to get on the bandwagon.

Dane Eldridge is a bandwagon Swans fan, and proud of it.

• The best places to watch the grand final in Sydney

COMMENT

Much like the night-life or the NSW Waratahs, there was a time in Sydney you’d question if the Swans even existed.

In fact, they were so anonymous to the average Sydneysider that we’d only be reminded of them every few years whenever Geoffrey Edelsten re-married.

But how things have changed.

Thanks to bumper crowds and big names like Plugger Lockett, Ron Barassi and Gabi Grecko, the Swans are now as quintessentially ‘Sydney’ as a 3am lockout law.

And with another grand final looming - the club’s fifth in the last 13 seasons - they’ve even won over hardcore NRL fans like me.

As we know, rugby league is - and always will be - an objectively better game than Aussie Rules.

That’s because it offers structure and jerseys with actual sleeves, plus Curtis Scott recently bashed Barry Hall.

As a dyed-in-the-wool, don’t-touch-a-Sherrin-unless-you-want-ringworm league tragic, this is why I scoffed at the lowly Swannies for years.

It was nothing against the team personally - even though they were once so utterly hopeless they’d struggle to beat an egg.

Nope, my contempt was more towards the AFL and its insulting attempt to infiltrate our state with a trojan horse that would struggle to fill Shark Park.

For years we sneered at their creepy team songs and rebuffed chat of ‘contested possessions’ and ‘the back pocket’ as lingo more suited to one of our white powder scandals.

But once the Swans began delivering premierships and endless unforgettable nights at the SCG, we were powerless to not embrace the club as our own.

But other than the triumphs and 2 per cent body fat, what truly endears the Swans to this fickle city, namely a one-eyed league fan like me?

It’s simple.

Swans Joel Amartey, Isaac Heeney and Tom Papley celebrate during the preliminary final.

Most Sydneysiders love flocking to Swans games for genuine footy-based reasons, such as supporting the team and posting selfies.

But me personally?

I love the Swans because they constantly stick it up the Vics.

For those unaware, we Sydney people generally don’t care for Melbourne.

In fact, we’re usually too busy working 150 hour weeks to pay off our mortgages to engage in petty debate over who has the best turmeric lattes, and that’s why we consider their city nothing more than a levy wall protecting us from the Bass Strait.

But when it comes to footy, it’s different.

Not only are we passionate about defending rugby league as the number one code, we’ve also discovered Victorians have an exploitable weakness.

Put simply, they are a bunch of humourless traditionalists who worry so much about their precious AFL trophy they think it should be secured with a dye pack that explodes when it crosses Albury.

And with the Swans constantly threatening for the flag every year by living in the top four, it means our boys live inside Victoria’s heads rent-free (coincidentally another property market inferior to Sydney’s).

Listen closely enough, and you can even hear them bleating now.

Brodie Grundy and coach John Longmire celebrate last week.

“What about the Cost of Living Allowance! Their draft concessions! And all their academy players and beaches with actual swells!”

Yep, the Swans get so far up Victoria’s nose, it’s no wonder Jesinta Franklin’s husband saw the light and fled north.

And if Buddy couldn’t avoid joining the Swans bandwagon for this reason, then how could we leaguies resist too?

In fact, this has inspired such deep affection for the Swans that I’ve even made the pilgrimage south to the MCG on Saturday.

With nothing but hope in my heart, spite on my mind and price tags still attached to my brand new Swans merchandise, I’m behind enemy lines inside Australia’s biggest regional town to witness our boys inflict the Vics with more envy.

Of course, I’ve arrived without a grand final ticket- but I presume it shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m sure if the AFL’s Big Dance is anything like the NRL’s superior grand final, they’ll be handing out tickets down here like Daniel Andrews fan packs.

And besides, I’ve already had to sell a kidney to cover my flight - and the remaining one for a midstrength beer at the airport lounge.

But it’s no biggie.

Overall I’m just delighted to be here to accept the gratitude of the locals on behalf of Sydney for promoting their adorably niche sport beyond Adelaide and Ballarat.

Along with Brisbane, not only has Sydney generously rehomed a failed Melbourne club - Fitzroy and South Melbourne respectively - we’re again demonstrating how to conduct a version of State of Origin that isn’t dreadfully lame.

But most importantly?

With Sydney embracing the Swans - and Queenslanders the Lions too - we’re about to deliver the AFL an audience so vast that Katy Perry can play her B-sides and Andrew Dillon won’t care a jot.

AFL, you can thank us for the TV ratings later. Once Sydney sobers up.

And this is why everyone in Sydney loves the Swans- even us anti-AFL extremists.

It’s because they’ve got Sydney riding high over those miserable Victorians again - at least until the Melbourne Storm return serve.

Dane Eldridge is a rugby league tragic who has embraced the Sydney Swans