Why being eager to please isn't a good thing

Women are encouraged to be pleasers from birth and it's got them nowhere in the process

PLEASE RELEASE ME: Being a pleaser isn't all it's cracked up to be. Picture: RapidEye

HOW often do you agree to do something because it's easier to be a pleaser?

Most of us do it periodically but women are ironically the masters of it. They're brought up to be. So stop it now.

There's no shame in elevating yourself to the same level as your children or spouse or significant other because, let's face it, nine times out of 10 women have always generally functioned a couple of steps down the family podium.

The ol' "I'll eat the burned steak" has spread its carcinogens to many other facets of family life.

This making sure everyone is safe, clean, fed, healthy, kowtowed to pattern of behaviour far exceeds the newborn baby phase for which it was originally designed.

It's an unforgiving pattern that can last a lifetime for some women. And don't the men and kids love (and take advantage of) it.

There is a fallacy that being a pleaser is something to aspire to and devote an existence to but take away the brainwashing and you see the duping of an entire species.

Many females have relinquished their own endless possibilities to ensure the male in their life gets to realise his.

It's a framework that was set up by men to favour men and administer to the male ego.

Sure, that's a hardcore analysis but just have a think about it for a minute.

A lot of women have followed the pleaser path and are still on it today.

For many it was their only option as society's dictatorial infrastructure was inflexible and the women that pushed back received a special kind of hatred by men and misogynised wives (who were perhaps secretly envious): "Did you hear Beryl kept working after she was married? What a troublemaker."

It was easier for women to convince themselves this was the life they wanted as thoughts of a profession or enlightening pursuits could never be entertained in this subservient equation.

Women believed that being a full-time pleaser was their calling and were vehemently encouraged to pursue this by everyone around them.

Parents deprived their daughters of tertiary educations because their careers were as future baby vessels and home-makers, while their brothers were earmarked as doctors and lawyers and, given the era, priests.

Women weren't encouraged to think beyond the picket fence they all aspired to bunker down behind with the 2.5 kids and charismatic provider who was never home.

Obviously contemporary living has seen a lot of changes on that front but there's still a lot of pleasing going on by women and girls.

More often than not, when the mother of the family is in the workforce the reasons cited include hefty mortgages or cost of living, not because they want to pursue careers and enjoy the power that comes with earning their own money.

And despite the "day job" they hold down, they are still expected to revert to being the unpaid pleaser when they get home.

That would be classified as two full-time jobs if men were involved in any of this process.

Being a pleaser isn't exclusive to adult females either.

Teenage girls who are brought up in an environment of female pleasers find themselves way too eager to please teenage boys.

While sexist pigs think this is OK (snigger, snigger, chortle, chortle), this is very different to mutual pleasing.

Today's young girls have a sea of testosterone-charged entitlement to navigate, fuelled by porn and unbridled privilege, so unless they know from an early age there's more to being female than being a pleaser, there's a special slippery slope to hell just waiting for them to descend.

Being a pleaser isn't a good thing. If you find yourself falling into that trap more often than not, recognise this and get some help to change it.

Take a step up that podium and get familiar with the business of putting yourself first.

It doesn't mean you become an a--hole. It's just confirmation of your own worthiness.

Once you try it you won't look back, no matter how many people try to convince you otherwise.

Happy International Women's Day!

Originally published as Why being eager to please isn't a good thing