‘Forget the housework — take care of your pelvic floor’
It is advice not be found in any mothering manual — raw, practical, and from the heart.
NSW
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IT is advice not be found in any mothering manual — raw, practical and from the heart.
Words of wisdom collected from about 70 mothers across NSW by researchers at Western Sydney University will today be passed on to the next generation of parents at Westmead Hospital.
The letters form part of a broader research initiative underway to collate a series of practical tips for new mothers, with researchers planning to expand the project nationally and internationally.
Do your pelvic floor exercise
Dear Mum,
You will have the best of plans — and they may not work out.
But you need to know that the most important thing in your baby’s life is you.
They just need you. They need your love and your attention. They need a lot of it.
And you? You need help. You need to ask for it. You need to accept it. This job is too big for just one human. It’s too important. It’s too much.
Love them, read to them, teach them to be kind.
And do your pelvic floor exercise!
Best wishes xx
Don’t over-think things
Hello,
You have been blessed with the gift of a new life growing inside you. It truly is a miracle!!!
Having said that, there are a few things I’d like to share with you after having experience giving life to four amazing daughters who are my most treasured accomplishment.
Nothing you have done in your life to this point is as important as the job of being a mum. It is the most rewarding, exhausting and sometimes frustrating job in the world.
Don’t over-think things. You are doing the best you can. Babies don’t come with a manual and it will take a long time to become confident in looking after your baby. But always remember to trust your instincts. And ask for help when you need it.
The sleep deprivation is the worst! The first few months you will feel like you’re in some sort of trance just going on autopilot.
It does get better but enjoy your sleep now while you can.
Don’t go on social media too much. A lot of it is not what real life is about and it can make you feel like you’re not doing a great job.
You will make mistakes. But that’s how you learn. Children are more resilient than you think. Don’t beat yourself up about the small stuff.
Take time out to enjoy the small moments. They grow up too fast even though some days it feels like they will never go to sleep.
Rest when you can. Take the phone off the hook and have a nap when baby sleeps. It will recharge you and you never know what the rest of the evening will bring.
The housework WILL NEVER END!!!
Try not to get overwhelmed with it all. Just set yourself a few small jobs and if you get more done that’s a bonus.
Spend time at home regularly with your baby. It’s important they get used to a routine and if you are out every day it is difficult for babies to get tummy time which helps them learn how to move and crawl etc.
Always remember you are the best mother your baby will ever know. Have faith that you will do a great job.
Finally, try not to have a rigid birth plan. Well thought-out plans usually turn to shit!
Aim for a healthy baby and healthy mum. The rest will work itself out.
But I do have to tell you it feels like “shitting a watermelon!!”. I wish someone had told me that when I was having my children.
Inhale the smell of your baby. There is nothing like it in the world!
There’s so much more to say. But most of all, enjoy the ride and don’t blink.
They grow up way too fast xxxx
All the best wishes from one mother to another!
This too shall pass
Congratulations on becoming a mum!
This new phase in your life will challenge, frustrate and inspire you!
I have two boys and while I can’t claim to be an expert, I do have a few personal “truths” to share.
You will question everything. I remember standing in the chemist with my first baby in the pram, pondering the merits of different brands of nasal spray. I was there for 40 minutes googling each brand and reading some very questionable blog posts before selecting one to buy.
In those first few months, every decision I made felt huge and I over-analysed every little thing. If you find yourself doing this, don’t worry, you’re not going crazy and it will get easier. Trust your judgments. You’re pretty much always right.
You will mourn your old life — this doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you human.
remember having the biggest meltdown at a friend’s engagement party because I’d taken ages to get ready and look “nice” then five minutes after arriving my son vomited all down my front.
I hid in the bathroom and cried because I just wanted to be able to drink wine wearing a nice (clean) dress.
You will feel guilty about everything — formula feeding instead of breast; letting your two-year-old watch six episodes of Paw Patrol back-to-back so you can have some peace and quiet; feeding your baby puree from a pouch because you were too exhausted to cook and blend a thoughtful mix of organic fruit and vege. Try to let yourself off the hook.
There’s a lot of parenting advice out there but that doesn’t mean you have to do it the way the “experts” claim is best.
Also, find some like-minded mum friends who embrace the TV/packet food/afternoon wine drinking because we all need a little validation sometimes.
At some point you may experience some rage towards your partner. Competitive tiredness, parenting disagreements, lack of understanding about what it’s really like on mat leave, his ability to have guilt-free nights out ... the list goes on.
Don’t worry, the rage goes away once you find your way to balance your new life a couple. I managed to get back to liking him enough to have another baby!
And finally: “this too shall pass” was my mantra. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some priceless moments with my babies but every time someone went on about “cherishing every moment” because it “goes too fast” I wanted to scream.
My mantra was to get through the tough times. Feeding problems — this too shall pass! Sleep regression — this too shall pass. Toddler tantrums — this too shall pass.
So enjoy the good bits but don’t worry — the crap bits will pass.