Darcy Bond’s suicide has shattered his close-knit Kiama family
Finding his brother Darcy Bond in their shared unit bathroom and not being able to revive him after he suicided will haunt Connor Bond forever. He and his devastated family are still coming to terms with the death of the mischievous 22-year-old who never shied away from a dare.
NSW
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It was a regular Saturday night, two brothers enjoying drinks with friends, some Mexican food, then home to the unit they shared for a few nightcaps.
After an hour or so, Darcy Bond, a popular 22-year-old with an infectious smile, excused himself for a quick shower. His brother Connor noticed his mood had changed, but thought he would shrug it off and be right back.
Connor heard the taps turn off in the bathroom. After a couple of minutes of quiet, he succumbed to the knot deep in his belly and rushed to the bathroom.
He called out to Darcy then instinctively barged his way in to find a horror that will forever haunt him.
Darcy, a young man who always had a plan, a zest for life, and a commerce degree to finish, had suicided. Connor frantically tried to breathe life into him.
“I checked for a response, started giving CPR straight away … we did everything we could. It would have been less than five minutes but it was too late,” the devastated 24-year-old told The Sunday Telegraph.
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Connor stares into space as he recounts the worst call he’s ever had to make to his mum Carrie. Just like that, nothing made sense.
The boys, who were just two years apart and “joined at the hip”, had made plans to go to their mum’s for lasagne the next night. They had things to do, places to be. They had bright futures.
Just a week before, the pair milled over a mate’s shock suicide.
“Me and Darcy started playing golf and we were talking about it. Darcy said ‘I don’t know how somebody could ever do that’. Darcy was saying ‘how could anyone do that?’ The questions he was asking, I’m now asking about him.”
Once paramedics deemed there was nothing they could do for Darcy, Connor walked back into the bathroom and held his brother.
“It was such a blur. I looked at him, he was an empty shell. I thought look at you, you’re a shell of yourself you’re not coming back. I thought if you’re not happy with something in your life change it, you can always change things. This is not the answer.”
Darcy Bond had an unquenchable thirst for life.
With his infectious smile he was the life of any party, the first one to lead his friends into harmless, hilarious mischief. The University of Wollongong student knew how to party, wouldn’t shy away from any dare, and was surrounded by people who considered him their best friend. He had a sensitivity that allowed him to share his troubles when life threw him a curve ball.
He talked all the time, to his mum, his girlfriend, his brothers and big sister.
Darcy doesn’t fit the stereotype of someone who was burying his demons.
He was impulsive, thrill-seeking and larger than life but he had big plans.
“He was very competitive, a high achiever, he was so driven and he had a plan for everything,” his mum Carrie said.
“A plan for marriage, for children, he already had the names picked out.”
Mrs Bond believes he made a split second decision that night while under the influence of recreational drugs — a decision that has gutted his family and shocked a seaside community already mourning the loss of too many young people.
“These split decisions these kids make, he wouldn’t have wanted to do this, Darcy would be up there saying ‘I’m so sorry mum, I’m so sorry Connor’, he would be beside himself,” Mrs Bond said.
“How do you get this message across? That the smallest amount of drugs mixed with even the smallest amount of alcohol impairs your decision-making process. Then if you are triggered by something … small problems or an issue in your life can seem big in that moment.
“If there was no alcohol or drugs, you’d be able to get over your trigger, figure it out, go for a surf, talk it over.
“You take a breath and you have a think. Darcy was impulsive, so combine that with drugs, alcohol, all those factors and you get disaster.”
Connor agrees recreational drugs played a part in his brother’s death. He reveals he has been met with some backlash from members of the close-knit Kiama community after his mum was real and raw at Darcy’s funeral over her firm words urging the community’s youth to stop the cycle of death and to take care of each other.
“If you’re not in a good head space you can have a bad trip. If you’re in a good space it’s awesome,” Connor said of their dappling with MDMA and alcohol.
“But if you’re in a bad spot, even the smallest amount can be bad.”
Mrs Bond isn’t interested in preaching, or blaming. But she wants people to start having the conversation about what had gone so terribly wrong with young, high achievers with the world at their feet.
“There have been that many suicides,” she said.
“Seven or eight, and the ripple effect has been unbelievable. Nobody understands why is this happening to so many kids. Why? Why?”
Connor ponders her appeal for answers.
“If I had the answers I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you. I would be with my brother.”