How we make sparks fly in our open marriage

Tani Beister and her husband Linzey have an open marriage. In this chat, she shares how it began.

UNCONVENTIONAL: Tani Beister and her husband Linzey have an open marriage. In this chat, she shares how it began. Picture: Contributed

Tani Beister and her husband Linzey have an open marriage. In this chat she shares with Matt how it began.

LISTEN: Get the full chat with Tani Beister (Open marriage) below:

Matt Collins: You've been with Linzey a long time. How did you guys meet?

Tani Beister: We met at high school. It has been 17years since we have been together and we met when we were 17.

MC: Can you remember your first interactions with Linzey?

TB: The one that stands out for me, we were on the steps at school one day and we were chatting and then all of a sudden he just turned around and walked away. No goodbye or anything. He just turned around and left.

MC: Do you know why? Was he upset?

TB: No, it was just one of those awkward moments.

MC: Tani, I have been in those situations before. When I am around an attractive women I get very, very nervous to the point that no words come out. Maybe that's what happened to poor teenage Linzey?

TB: Yeah, he always reflects on how hard it was to get to know me, just how much of a closed book I was.

MC: Is that a fair judgment? Are you a closed book?

TB: I was probably very shy and a bit withheld. But the last year or two I feel I have really come out of my shell in a whole new way.

MC: You've got one 12-year-old boy. You only ever wanted one child?

TB: Yes, I always thought having one was cruel and you can't have an only child because they'll be lonely. But I had one and I thought, 'Wow, this is a big commitment.' I radically chose myself and my relationship with Linzey and I really wanted space and time to nurture that. I really just wanted to do an excellent job with one child.

MC: Has the sex life between you and Linzey always been really strong and really passionate?

TB: I guess it definitely comes in cycles and waves, but there has always been that attraction. We have had our personal complaints at times that our sex life hasn't been super connected.

MC: Would you say that you guys are good communicators?

TB: Yes, probably to the point that we are overcommunicating. For me, there is no way to have a good relationship without transparency.

MC: Has it ever become so transparent that it hurt Linzey?

TB: Yeah, the most recent time was when I felt our relationship was growing stagnant. I felt like I had tried everything. I'd never looked outside our relationship at anyone else before, I'd never been interested.

MC: But something changed?

TB: Yeah, I was hosting a gathering of women at my house. They came from all over Australia and New Zealand. One of the women who was there, we just really connected. It was like fireworks started going off between us. I dropped her off at the end of the weekend and I had these lovely fuzzy feelings in my body.

MC: And you had never been with a woman before?

TB: No, I had only ever been with Linzey and a couple of boyfriends before him. So it was quite a shock to have this experience with a woman.

MC: What happened after you dropped her off.

TB: She messaged me half an hour later and said she really missed me.

MC: Half an hour? Isn't there rules around these things?

TB: Well, that's the funny thing, with me and her none of these rules apply. I told her, 'I actually feel like I am falling in love with you.'

MC: After only a weekend?

TB: Yeah. It was like we instantly fall in love. It was like souls colliding.

MC: Were you struggling with the fact you are married?

TB: Totally. All of these things came up for me.

MC: Had you had a conversation with Linzey by this point?

TB: No, but I didn't act on any of it or pursue anything until I spoke with him.

LISTEN: Get the full chat with Tani Beister (Open marriage) below:

Originally published as How we make sparks fly in our open marriage