It's moments like these Haidee needs Minties

Columnist Haidee Jenkins blame Minties for the state of her back teeth with more fillings than you could poke a stick at.

Minties lollies. Picture: Sharyn Oneill

DAYS LIKE THESE

HAIDEE JENKINS

I DON'T know what comes over me when it comes to Minties.

It's almost like an out-of-body experience.

In a dreamlike state I can see myself reaching for one in the bag and although my head is screaming no, my heart is whispering yes.

I blame Minties for the state of my back teeth with more fillings than you could poke a stick at.

In between the years of 1996-1998 I ate so many of them, caught in the grips of a unwavering obsession.

I had a brief foray with Fantales but even for me, a self confessed sweets lover, they were a bit too much.

I said a firm goodbye to Minties in 1998, on a shocked dentists advice and vowed to never ever buy them again.

After a recent experience that involved Josh innocently coming home with a bag of them, and me begging for one that tore my filling out, I instructed Josh to hide them from me.

I instructed me to never ever let me know he has them because of the absolute sheer lack of control I have when it comes to them.

Unfortunately I discovered a bag of them in Josh's room yesterday.

Then I managed to slyly convince myself that I could have just one if I didn't let it touch my teeth.

All was fine and dandy as I swept the floor, Mintie lodged firmly on the roof of my mouth.

Suddenly the entire Mintie was sucked down my windpipe as I jack-knifed about trying to dislodge it.

I couldn't die like this!

If I had to die early it would have to be something spectacular, like falling from Mt Everest, treading water hopelessly in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean after I had bravely, but unsuccessfully fought off pirates by throwing deckchairs at them.

Either that or walking unarmed through the Somalian bush or some kind of heroic happening.

Not choking to death on a Mintie in my lounge room while sweeping the floor and watching Jerry Springer.

Thankfully the Mintie found its way down into my stomach where it ached strangely for a few hours.

Indeed next time I am confronted by the sight of a Mintie I must remember my near-death experience yesterday and abstain.

Goodness.

Originally published as It's moments like these Haidee needs Minties