$6000 bill: Cost of dating turns Australian men off finding love

A report into the dating habits of 18 to 49 year old singles has revealed three in five men have been put off dating because of the cost. See what else they had to say.

Newly coupled Layla Hfaid, 21, and Kell O’Brien, 25, have been dating for a few months and equally enjoy a low cost picnic in the park as to an expensive meal out. Reports of the increasing cost of dating are putting people off looking for love or turning to low-cost date options. Picture: Jane Dempster/The Daily Telegraph.

The typical Aussie man spends $6000 a year on dates and it’s leading to many giving up on love altogether.

A report into the dating habits of 18 to 49 year old singles revealed three in five men have been put off dating because of the cost, with almost three-quarters of those surveyed saying they usually paid for all or most of the date.

When it came to the opposite sex, fewer than one in 10 women admitted to paying.

The Choosi Swipe Right Modern Dating Report 2023 found women also typically shelled out $1800 a year – less than a third of her male counterparts.

Relationships Australia NSW’s Elisabeth Shaw recommends discussing the bill before the date begins. Picture: Supplied

Relationships Australia NSW chief executive Elisabeth Shaw said it was a common expectation that men picked up the bill “because it’s hard wired into social norms”.

“(Both men and women) often are lacking the skills to have the conversation about how to do it differently so they anxiously undertake the same roles probably their parents advised,” Ms Shaw, a clinical psychologist said.

“Ideally, people might talk about the terms of the date upfront and say something like ‘I’d love to meet you, and am very happy for us to split the cost of whatever we decide to do together’.

“Sometimes trying to navigate that right at the end makes it far more difficult.

“A man might suddenly think ‘well she seems like the sort of person I should be paying for’ or a woman might think ‘this has been a crummy date, I hope he is paying’.”

While some people enjoyed being treated to an expensive date, Ms Shaw said it could also create pressure for people who felt there was “more expected of them” or that they should go on a second date to pick up the next bill and make it fair.

The Choosi research found men typically spent about $150 per date, compared to $50 for women.

But respondents also reported extra costs incurred in the lead-up to the date, such as the price of new clothes and accessories, hair cuts and grooming, gifts, and dating app membership fees.

To help cope with the cost of looking for love, almost three in five Aussies said they sometimes put money aside specifically to be able to pay for dates and more than a third said dating sometimes put them into credit card debt as they charged their card without paying off the full monthly balance.

Ultimately, Australians had been forced to become more creative, ditching expensive outings for low-cost options.

Low-cost dates are better for getting to know a person, says certified love coach Angela Barrett. Picture: Suplied

If your dating profile says you enjoy long walks on the beach, that is probably what you are going to get.

Going for a walk and exploring a new area was the budget date of choice for 45 per cent of respondents – followed by a picnic at a park or beach (36 per cent), a movie night at home, or a romantic dinner at home (both 35 per cent).

Love coach Angela Barrett said low-cost dates were great because they revealed a person’s sense of fun and ability to spend time with someone without relying on spending lots of money.

“Long term relationships are not about glitz and glamour – it’s about how they show up in a low-key setting and the opportunity for conversation and getting to know each other on a different level,” Ms Barrett said.
Financial advisor and chief executive of financial advice platform Otivo Paul Feeney said the rising cost of living was impacting every part of our lives and dating wasn’t excluded.

“We’re seeing that Australians are reducing their spend on entertainment and other ‘nice to have activities’ because, economically, we’re being squeezed,” Mr Feeney said.

“Get creative with how you date and pocket any excessive money that you would otherwise spend on dating towards something that might benefit you in the long term.

“As a nation we can invest our money in paying down debts, putting extra money away into superannuation or even putting that money towards a deposit for a property.”

Otivo’s Paul Feeney says Australians are spending less on entertainment in general. Picture: Supplied.

For young couple Layla Hfaid and Kell O’Brien, dating has become an “incredibly expensive activity” that has led them to cut down on date nights.

Ms Hfaid, 21, said rising prices of restaurants, entertainment venues and transportation had made it challenging to plan regular outings without breaking the bank.

“The constant worry about expenses takes away some of the spontaneity and carefree nature of dating,” she said.

“We both miss the days when dating was simpler and didn’t require us to constantly consider the financial implications.”

When the couple first began dating a few months ago, Mr O’Brien, 25, typically picked up the bill.

“He was a champion of treating me to fancy dinners and fun outings,” Ms Hfaid said.

“It was somewhat his way of showing off his charm. But as our relationship evolved we had discussions about finances and found a balance that works for us. Now, we often take turns covering the bill or sometimes split the bill based on our individual abilities.

“It is now important for both of us to feel as though we equally contribute to our expenses as a couple, including dates.”

The law student and plumber have turned to low-cost date ideas to save money – their favourite being a picnic in a local park.

“It’s a great date idea because it’s affordable, allows us to be out in nature, and provides quality time together,” Ms Hfaid said.