Avo toast, eggs benny, porridge: Mel Buttle dishes up what your brekky says about you

Ordering porridge? Stop trying to impress everyone. Ordering eggs benedict? You drink too much. Here’s what your brekky says about you.

Breakfast has been called the most important meal of the day.

Mum used to say that to get me to eat something before school. I’ve never been big on breakfast, I chug a coffee and wait until my stomach starts eating itself around 1pm.

However, going out for breakfast is very on trend, so here’s my guide to what your breakfast choice says about you.

Granola: You’re either vegan and that’s your only option at the place your friend chose for breakfast, or you’ve just come from F45 and don’t want to blow all your good work.

Hungover? Order the eggs benny.

Eggs Benedict: You’re having a blowout, or you’re hungover, this is a breakfast that starts the day on a no-nonsense note. You’re a practical person, who just wants something good with no frills. Eggs Benedict with bacon is the breakfast of someone who tied one on last night. Eggs Benedict with mushroom is a vegetarian who tied one on last night. Either that or you’ve found yourself at a way-too-cool cafe and this is the only dish you recognise that doesn’t have ancient fermented grains or kim chi.

Avo on toast: The breakfast of people who are trying to kickstart a diet, trying to save for a house, trying to make a healthy choice. It’s not the avo on toast that chews up your house deposit, I think it’s adding a side of haloumi, bacon and an Audi A3 that does it. You’re dedicated to staring down the breakfast burrito and still choose avo on toast with cherry tomatoes and feta. Hats off to you. Avo on toast is often the most affordable yet still a bit fun option on the menu, that sounds like a bit of you doesn’t it?

Is a bowl of oats really worth $15?

Porridge: Come on, really? Who are you trying to impress? I know you’re training for the Noosa triathlon, but for once in your life cut loose. If this is how you’re starting the day, how’s it going to end? It better be some amazing next-level cooked oats you’re paying $15 for.

Breakfast burrito: You’re going for it today aren’t you? Go hard or go home, the breakfast burrito is the breakfast of the brave, it’s a bold person who starts the day at this level. Go you, I’m all for it, life is short, get as much cheese in your breakfast as you can. I tip my hat to you, you’re probably going jet skiing after this.

Pancakes are the celebratory dish.

Pancakes: You’ve earned these, enjoy them, this is the breakfast of someone who’s achieved something and they’re celebrating. Some pancake orderers will feel guilty once everyone else’s avo on toast comes out and attempt to share their sugary breakfast to reduce their guilt. Don’t take any, this is their prize for telling Colin in accounts to stop cc-ing them on everything. Let them savour the fact they’re eating ice cream for breakfast.

Gnocchi: Those who order this are my heroes. I reckon you’re probably only going to eat one meal out this week and why blow it on bacon and eggs? You can make that yourself any old time, but house-made gnocchi is a very special treat. I get the logic, it’s just potatoes bacon and mushroom anyway isn’t it? Does it go with a flat white? Not really, but it’s nearly lunch time you tell yourself.

Breakfast gnocchi? Good choice.

Nourish bowl: Yep that will offset it all won’t it? The Tim Tams you ate watching tele, the Big Mac you guzzled down in the car, the nourish bowl is a cure-all and, frankly, I’m proud of you for ordering it when breakfast tacos with popcorn chicken are staring you in the face. You’re setting the tone for the week, this nourish bowl is the start of a day of meal prepping.

Originally published as Avo toast, eggs benny, porridge: Mel Buttle dishes up what your brekky says about you