Inside the rise of women using pay-per-hour male services for companionship in Australia
Widow Kate is using the hefty inheritance from her husband’s death on luxury travel and a sexual awakening.
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When she suddenly lost her love of 22 years last August, 60-year-old Kate felt loneliest in the middle of the night.
Aching for connection in the devastating dark, the new retiree made a daring decision – to pay for the company of a male escort.
Funding this amorous mission with her partner’s inheritance, the American scheduled dates with five different Australian male escorts during her dream trip Down Under in March this year.
Each date cost up to $2000 a pop.
“Every single one of them was absolutely fantastic,” says Kate, who has lined up more intimate rendezvous with those escorts for her return trip to Australia this month – and is paying $20,000 to take one of those men on her week-long holiday to Europe later this year.
“It’s been more than what I wanted, more than I even thought was possible. I go for overnights (with escorts) because … the loneliness comes at night.
“I needed to not feel lonely, I needed that touch, that person there, the conversation. You know, the whole bit along with the physical.
“The reason I chose to see five gentlemen that are on my active list, it’s mentally and emotionally healthy for me. I don’t want to cross that emotional line … it is real when you’re together but it is still transactional.
“That’s why I see more than two people, so I don’t get caught up. There’s a beautiful freedom in that.”
Kate says her dates with the five Australian escorts during her March vacation were not all sexual. She chose some simply for companionship and connection.
Others helped the retired voice and acting instructor reconnect with her sexuality after being in a sexless – but very loving – relationship with her partner for many years.
All of her Aussie dates helped her to feel stronger about herself.
“It’s just such a beautiful thing and it makes me feel empowered,” says the reinvigorated Kate.
“I was actually able to stand naked in front of a man and feel good about it. That’s nothing I would have ever been able to do before and to just have that full acceptance from another human being, from a male specifically, was very empowering.
“I was opened up and I was just like ‘I accept myself, too.’”
One of Kate’s paid lovers is George Goulburn, a NSW-based sex worker whose clients range in age from an “attractive” 30-something woman to an 80 year old with an “extraordinarily high sex drive”.
The 52-year-old, former energy industry executive is earning $20,000 for joining Kate on her European holiday later this year.
“George is an amazing, amazing human being. I can’t speak highly enough about him, so I am absolutely thrilled that we were able to work something out and he’s going to head over to Europe with me later,” says Kate, who has also booked a 72-hour, mini-holiday with Goulburn on the NSW mid-coast this month.
“There was a considerable amount of money that came to me when my partner died. I thought, ‘I’m just going to take this money and I’m just going to travel.’ And so the money that I was able to spend on people like George and the other gentlemen came from that. It’s well worth it, in my mind.
“For me, without having the money that came from when my partner passed on, I would not be able to afford doing anything like that.
“My money is not going to be everlasting. It’s here when I feel I needed it the most but I will have to, at some point, pull the reins in.”
Goulburn says his reward is not just in his pay check. Watching women become empowered – a state of mind he says men often take for granted – is the “essence of why I do this work”.
“They’ve felt for some time that they’re not given permission by society to lean into their sexuality and fully express themselves sensually as a woman,” says Goulburn, who loves seeing his clients “blossom”.
“So the ability for me to bring something magical to Kate, which is really just telling her what I see and expressing to her that she’s an adorable woman and I have so much affection for her, you can almost see it in the way that she lights up a room or she stands taller and just radiates that positive energy … it’s the main reason I do work.
“I can see women who’ve had various issues that can extend to sexual abuse or really just a lack of confidence and then after an encounter or two you can really see the way they look at things has changed.
“And even their friends and family or colleagues have often commented, it’s almost like they’re thinking, ‘What’s happened to you, you look like you’ve changed.’ I’ve heard that quite a few times.”
Goulburn says up to 25 per cent of his clients don’t want sex. Instead, they’re paying for the closeness and intimacy of companionship.
“It’s the intimacy that they miss. And it’s things like someone holding their hand,” he says. That’s how things started for one of Goulburn’s clients – retired Melbourne health worker Robin, who is paying to fill a void.
“You have close friends but there is this one little part of you that is missing,” says Robin, who is “not flush, I’m comfortable” and has what she calls a “G” fund, which she contributes to from her carefully managed budget.
Her first date with Goulburn – a romantic country drive to a winery south of Melbourne – cost her about $750. She also paid for their lunch. But the 67 year old says Goulburn’s “articulate, thoughtful” company and attentiveness on their date was well worth the investment.
“I just thought I’d like to go out with someone on a date where I get driven – he drove my car – and we had the nicest four hours and it was just so comfortable.
“We sort of held hands around the vineyard … and had a really good day and, you know. cuddles. No kissing or whatever but it was just so comfortable.”
Robin says she had not been intimate with anyone for nearly two decades.
“He said to me, ‘I had a really delightful afternoon’ … and I thought, ‘We both did’. I live in a retirement village and I’ve got an elderly friend who’s 87 and she said, ‘What have you been up to, you’ve just got a glow.’
“Okay, it does cost me a little bit and I’ve got to eat baked beans for a month, but we all work to pay our bills and pay the rent and he’s no different. I’m going to have to put money aside, it’s not like I could see him every month or two months, maybe every three months, I don’t know.”
Robin has been single since her partner died in a workplace accident 18 years ago. Ten years ago, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer and endured surgery and treatment.
“I’ve decided that this year is my year of ‘I’m glad I did’ … and nothing ventured, nothing gained,” says Robin, who enjoyed a second date with Goulburn last month.
Robin – who describes herself as curvaceous and “Rubenesque” – paid $1200 for a four-hour experience with Goulburn at a Melbourne city hotel.
“I haven’t been intimate with anyone since my partner died. It was a wonderful, engaging moment full of laughter, fun and exciting moments,” she says.
“I have realised I’m still a sensual, vibrant woman with curves hidden away plus a lot more as well.
“I’m feeling like Pandora’s box, every time I take the lid off, a different part of my life and things I’ve enjoyed in the past are revealed.
“Like I said, nothing ventured, nothing gained and I’m glad I did it.”
A fresh date with Goulburn for September has already been set, but Robin – who officially becomes a pensioner in October – says she will have to put a lid on her G fund after that.
“I’ve had a completely unexpected event so that’s going to have to be probably the last for a little while,” she says.
From her home in the US, Kate, who worked in aged care during the pandemic, is now opening a coaching business early next year – consciouswomenhealing.com – to support other women to feel empowered to access the services of a male escort.
She wants to help them decide if they do want to engage with a sex worker, field questions along the way and be there to emotionally unpack the whole experience.
“I know a lot of women who go to escorts have to be on the down low because they have families, jobs and children who maybe are not accepting. It puts an isolating negative to what’s a very positive experience,” says Kate, who has the backing of her late partner’s sister, her own brother and some friends in her choice to use escorts.
“I would have appreciated to talk to someone who is going through the process like me. I want to help empower other women who are just like me.”
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Originally published as Inside the rise of women using pay-per-hour male services for companionship in Australia
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