The moment that made David Campbell realise he is middle aged

David Campbell is three years off 50, and he is already beginning to feel the pangs of middle age. In his own words, he describes how one embarrassing encounter with his son led him to accept his age - hearing loss and all.

On the week of my 47th birthday, while heading home from the school pick-up, squinting into

the afternoon sun and with a car full of kids, my eldest son throws a question out over the general melee emanating from the back seat.

“Dad. Did you know scientists have been tracking data about UFOs and sending that information back to Noosa?” This last detail leaves me flummoxed. What? Why? I mean, the Sunshine Coast is gorgeous to visit, but I had no idea it was the new Parkes of Australia. I picture a well-tanned Mulder and Scully looking to the clear, perfect skies and then deciding to have a quick swim before popping to the pub for a cheeky rosé.

“Why Noosa?” I ask.

“NASA,” is his response, heavily punctuated with an eye-roll. His tone drips with frustration. The truth is out there: Dad is losing his hearing.

“With a car full of kids, my eldest son throws a question out.” (Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar)

Not long before that, I am getting my hair cut and another inconvenient truth stares back at me. I am getting an eyebrow trim every two haircuts. Like clockwork. What’s next?

A simple trip to my optometrist (I had run over my reading glasses in a rush to get the kids and dog into the car) makes me realise my eyes are getting worse, too. Five per cent every two years is the statistic my overly cheerful eye doctor tells me as he ups my script.

So, this week has been a wake-up call... and I can’t hit the snooze button. I’m hitting a major landmark. I’m three years from 50. The wheels are not exactly falling off yet, but let me

tell you, they are definitely rattling. And I am feeling rattled.

“I’m hitting a major landmark. I’m three years from 50.” (Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar)

Middle age looms like Mordor. Here I am, a man who had always believed I was the Frodo of my story, and it turns out I am actually Bilbo. I thought I had fought off age pretty well. Since giving up my blond-tipped, Beckham-esque fauxhawk of the early noughties, I have not dyed my hair. Admittedly it is not as thick as it used to be. (I used to get it thinned in my 20s! I would kill for those barber-shop scraps now.)

However, things are now getting serious. The slight skirmish I had engaged in to betray my actual age has become an all-out war. I have read about other gen Xers who have gone through this and decided a mid-life crisis is not for them.

David Campbell features in this Sunday’s Stellar.

Time to try bodybuilding. Run a marathon. Be an ultra athlete. Take up an extreme sport. These seem to be the new norms. No more sports cars or running off with secretaries like Don Draper. But where do these people find time in the day when we are running out of time in our lives? I can be an ultra napper. Is that a thing? Because that’s what I want to be.

So after a few days of spiralling, my pre-50 birthday arrives like most mornings. Sleepy-eyed, comfy-pyjama-covered kids climb on our bed for a cuddle. A dog gets jealous and joins in, whipping up the mania. Presents are given. Songs are sung. The day goes on and I realise I am satisfied with my failing eyesight, mild hearing loss and increasingly creaky joints and aches.

In his hit musical Company, Stephen Sondheim writes, “Somebody crowd me with love.” And I have achieved this lyrical goal in my own life.

David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am Monday to Friday, on the Nine Network.