Sam Armytage: ‘I have an announcement to make...’
Inspired by Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, Sunrise co-host Samantha Armytage reveals she has decided to step back as a senior member of her family.
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As I reassert my columnist role at Stellar for 2020, I have an announcement to make. And I’d like you, dear reader, to be the first to hear it.
I have decided to step back as a senior member of my family. I feel it is my only option moving forward.
I have come to this decision alone (not with the help of a pushy American) and I ask for your support as I try to make it on my own.
I have decided to Marie Kondo my family, five years on from her original idea, but only 12 months after the tidying craze became popular thanks to Netflix (because, heh, if it didn’t happen on Netflix or Instagram, then it didn’t happen, right?).
Actually, mental note: must do deal with Netflix.
It’s not an abandonment I have come to lightly, although it did hit me on Boxing Day as I unpacked the dishwasher for the 40,000th time since Christmas Eve.
As the heiress to a used Mazda and some land out the back of Wagga, I ask that you respect my privacy as I attempt to attain financial independence, keep up with electricity prices and make sure I put the bins out each and every Monday night.
As you can no doubt appreciate, this is a lot for a 43-year-old to deal with. I will abdicate from the Armytage clan just as soon as they realise that is what’s actually happening.
For one day I didn’t answer my mother Libby’s calls. (Let’s call her Queen Elizabeth for the sake of this column.)
So she sent a text: “Sam, pls send pic from your phone of Dad snoring post-Xmas lunch. I forgot to take one! Luv, Mum x.”
Honestly, doesn’t the woman understand what me resigning from the family entails?
Then my younger sister Georgie (who most appropriately for these purposes lives in London) added to the family WhatsApp: “Sammy, soz, accidentally brought your favourite sandals back to UK with me, whoops! xxx” (while uploading 20,000 Christmas photos of her children to Mum’s already overcrowded grandchildren thread).
I mean, this family of mine really doesn’t get my surrendering my status as the eldest child.
After that, my brother Charlie (a prince among men) sent me an email. (Because, quite sensibly, he refuses to join the family WhatsApp – mainly due to the number of grandchildren-related photos...)
But his correspondence was well-received because he was on the Fires Near Me app and was warning me I may need to evacuate because of another bloody bushfire reigning (sic) down hell near my house. So maybe Charles can stay. (Words probably never uttered by the real royal family.)
I then rang my dad, Mac, to tell him of my relinquishment plans and he said, “Sam, that’s nice. I’m off to load a hay truck. Talk later.”
So, here I sit on my own couch, that I had to pay for. In my own house, that I had to pay for. And tomorrow, I have to go back to work – again.
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I’m thinking about getting some merchandise made for my new life that I have to pay for, just to help, you know, pay for things...
Hang on, I gotta go. Mum’s calling.
Samantha co-hosts Sunrise, 5.30am weekdays, on the Seven Network.