MasterChef judge Melissa Leong’s response to haters and trolls

MasterChef judge Melissa Leong offers her stark response to haters and internet trolls.

A friend once told me about an incident in the restaurant where she works. A family had arrived late to the fine diner and there was clearly a flustered vibe from the outset.

Somehow, the fact that they had gotten lost from the carpark to the restaurant was the restaurant’s fault, as was the fact they didn’t stock old mate’s favourite beer (because, you know, fine dining).

One thing led to another, leading to the dad standing up and broadcasting, “Don’t you know who I am?” Because that always goes down well.

While the staff did everything they could to placate Bad Day Fam, what had become clear was that their bad day probably had very little to do with the restaurant whatsoever.

“Are a stranger’s nasty comments about me? Or about them?” (Picture: Steven Chee)

Just like the staff at that restaurant – and possibly because I’m a chronic overthinker who isn’t fond of the idea of people hating me – when a negative interaction happens, I want to know whether it’s something I did, and how I can fix it.

At the same time, I’m also learning that it’s just as important to identify when a situation has more to do with the other person’s demons rather than anything I did: is it a me thing… or is it just them?

Some situations are easier than others to work out. Online trolls commenting negatively on appearance, race, sexuality, gender expression? Clearly a them thing.

Other instances can be a bit trickier, though. An Arctic blast from a friend at a time that you’re perceivably doing well in life while they may not be? Harder.

One thing I have learnt is that you should never have to apologise for – or play down being – who and how you are to make others feel better about themselves.

Social media certainly doesn’t help. We know it’s a hype reel of one’s best moments, but we often forget that when we’re scrolling through other people’s lives while having a bad day. I once had a lady keep leaving comments telling me that I am ugly. And look, I’m no supermodel, but I reckon I scrub up just fine.

Melissa Leong features in this Sunday’s Stellar.

I couldn’t help but feel that perhaps her comments might have had more to do with how she saw herself, rather than anything about me. Understanding that, and letting it go with compassion, wasn’t easy the first time. But it does get easier.

Tougher times, like the one we’re in now, can bring out some uglier parts of human behaviour. While it may feel good to vent your bad mood in the moment, it probably won’t later – and it definitely doesn’t feel good, at any point, to the person in your firing zone.

Realising what I can change and what I need to let go of has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve picked up; it really does take practice, patience and sometimes more compassion than I think I have the capacity for.

There’s a meme floating around with a quote often attributed to Denzel Washington: “Some people just won’t like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” Whether he said it or not, the sentiment holds true all the same.

Melissa Leong co-hosts Celebrity MasterChef Australia, which will air later this year on Network Ten.