Help! My husband’s snoring is keeping me awake
Is it a bad omen for a marriage if a husband and wife are sleeping in separate beds because of his loud snoring? Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble has some expert advice.
Stellar
Don't miss out on the headlines from Stellar. Followed categories will be added to My News.
Is it a bad omen for a marriage if a husband and wife are sleeping in separate beds because of his loud snoring? Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble has some expert advice.
Question 1: This is a little embarrassing to admit, but my husband has spent most of the past 12 months sleeping on the sofa. Not because we have been arguing (or because he’s “in the doghouse”, as one of his mates joked), but because he snores.
So loudly, in fact, that I can still hear him from down the hallway. Needless to say, his snoring keeps me awake all night when we share the same bed, so we have settled into this decidedly non-romantic arrangement. Is this a bad omen for our marriage?
So many couples sleep apart because of issues with snoring. Although the snorer isn’t snoring on purpose, there’s no doubt that it’s nearly impossible to sleep beside them. And just because you don’t sleep in the same bed doesn’t mean you can’t be romantic and intimate.
Sleeping on the sofa doesn’t sound like a good long-term solution, however, so I’m wondering what else can be done. The most obvious concern is that your husband may be suffering from sleep apnoea, which is when the airway is completely blocked many times an hour and can be extremely dangerous for his health. If he hasn’t already done so, I’d strongly encourage him to have a sleep study to rule out a sleep disorder.
If he doesn’t have sleep apnoea, there are other ways to address snoring, such as reviewing lifestyle choices (alcohol and weight), or seeing a dentist for a device that may reduce snoring.
Remember that if he needs to decrease his alcohol consumption or change his diet in some way to lose weight, then it would be good if you followed suit in support.
If nothing seems to stop him snoring, then you may need to look at a more permanent solution, such as living somewhere with two bedrooms and making sure you keep intimacy alive.
Question 2: For some time I have been fielding hostile messages from a longtime friend who disapproves of the political views of the organisation I work for. Even though he acknowledges I have done nothing wrong myself, he holds me responsible for the perceived actions of other people.
He seems oblivious to how hurtful and disrespectful I find his comments to be, even though I have told him so. Although I am sad to lose our friendship, I refuse to be treated by a friend this way and I think putting an end to all contact is the best thing for both of us. What’s your advice?
I’m glad that you have tried to tell your friend that you find his messages hurtful and disrespectful. I hope you have also given him some empathy for the anger he obviously feels towards your employer.
Remember that you don’t have to agree with each other to show empathy. You just need to be aware that you think and feel differently and be mindful of that when you communicate.
If you haven’t told him that you can see how much he disapproves of the organisation you work for and that you understand that it distresses him that you work there, then I’d try doing that. Then, I’d ask him to show you empathy and respect in return.
MORE STELLAR:
Don Johnson: ‘My daughter is the most gifted actress alive’
Katie Holmes on motherhood, fame – and Dawson’s Creek
He needs to understand how upsetting it is to receive his messages. In other words, make it so clear that you understand how he feels before you ask him to see things from your point of view.
If you’ve shown him empathy, but he still keeps sending hostile messages, let him know that you’ll sadly need to end the friendship because it’s not healthy for either of you.
GOT AN ISSUE FOR JO TO TACKLE? Send your question to stellar@news.com.au