Exclusive: why escort Samantha X is quitting the business

Australia’s most high-profile escort, Samantha X, reveals the medical diagnosis that has prompted her to give up escorting and return to being the “very traditional and conservative” Amanda Goff.

When former journalist Amanda Goff came forward as escort Samantha X in 2014, she made national headlines and became the country’s most high profile sex worker. But her public bravado hid increasingly mercurial behaviours, actions she couldn’t explain or control. Now, in an exclusive with Stellar, Goff reveals she has been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and, with her mental health improving, announces she is moving on from her high-profile calling. In returning to simply being Amanda, she declares, “That’s who I am, and that’s who I want to be”

If there was a sign that Samantha X’s life was getting a bit out of hand, it would have to be the cage of animals in the middle of her kitchen, turning her Sydney home into a scene right out of Jumanji.

“I would go out to pick up dry cleaning and I would come back with an Irish wolfhound and a Great Dane,” she recalls matter-of-factly.

“Or, I would just get up and drive five hours to rescue a dog.”

But it wasn’t just her sudden penchant for menagerie-making that was turning Samantha’s world a bit wild, nor could she pin it down to her career as Australia’s most high-profile escort.

It was everything.

She was drowning in debt despite charging $1500 for her services while also hopping on a plane to Los Angeles to go on a date with a stranger she had just met on Instagram.

“My life,” she tells Stellar, “was chaotic and unmanageable.”

Samantha once blamed her erratic behaviour on her addiction to alcohol, but staying sober for more than a year – a story she shared with Stellar in 2019 – hadn’t done much to change that conduct.

She continued to have thrilling highs but also crashing lows that saw her spending all day in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Still, on a certain level, she had always accepted that duality was a part of her existence, especially after she revealed publicly in 2014 that the woman once only known as Amanda Goff had quit her job as a magazine journalist to become a full-time escort.

Amanda Goff: “My life was chaotic and unmanageable” Picture: Steven Chee.

Intrigue and ongoing fascination about her new line of work led Goff, as Samantha X, to write two bestselling books about her career.

Though readers loved her candour, they also wondered why a divorced mother-of-two would make such a career change in the first place. And why tell the world about it?

Those were questions Goff could never fully understand herself, and when her erratic and dangerous behaviours continued long after she put down the bottle, Goff sought help from psychiatrist Gordon Parker, the founder of mental-health facility the Black Dog Institute, and psychologist Jo Leidreiter.

Through them, she finally got an answer.

“I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder,” she reveals for the first time.

“When Professor Parker told me, I burst into tears. I was so relieved that there is a name for my madness.”

Similar to bipolar I disorder, bipolar II is a mental condition associated with moods cycling between highs and lows over time.

However, with bipolar II, the “up” moods never reach full mania. Although that diagnosis may not fully explain why Goff, now 48, decided to become an escort, it allowed her to understand how she was able to live with the two aspects of herself she reflects in Stellar’s cover shoot.

“It makes total sense why I created the character Samantha,” Goff says.

Considering her childhood, she adds that, “from an early age, I could dissociate and compartmentalise parts of my life. Creating Samantha was a way of dealing with certain trauma in my life.

“Samantha was a strong, powerful character, and Amanda was and is a bit of an introvert – very traditional and conservative. Before going to work as Samantha, I would literally say, ‘Showtime’. I felt invincible as Samantha.”

Now that Goff is taking medication and under the guidance of doctors, she can look back on some of her decisions with a new perspective.

Amanda Goff: “Samantha saved me.” Picture: Steven Chee.

“At the time, I had no issues with going public despite the shock from friends and family,” she explains.

“It was like I couldn’t understand their concerns. I was closed off to it. I was on some kind of high, which now I understand is mania.”

“Now the fog has started to clear,” Goff explains, “I am ashamed of some of my choices, especially about going public.

“I don’t recognise the woman who did that and it’s mortifying for me.

“I am not blaming my bipolar or saying it was all down to my bipolar at all. But would I have made those choices if I was diagnosed and medicated? Most likely I wouldn’t have been so public about it.”

Since being diagnosed 18 months ago, Goff has started to meld together the two parts of her identity. She wants to be known as Amanda, which means she’s walking away from escorting.

“Samantha saved me. I owe a lot to her,” she says.

“I know she helped lots of people and I’m still a big advocate of the adult industry. But I’m doing so much work on myself now that I don’t need Samantha anymore.

“Her once strong character is fading and it’s time to start a new chapter as Amanda. That’s who I am and that’s who I want to be.”

Samantha will stay a part of Amanda’s life, but not control it. Although she sees herself writing erotic fiction in the future, Goff says her third book, which she is working on now, will focus on her transition away from the adult industry.

And while she pens the follow-up to 2017’s book Back On Top, Goff reveals, “a production company has optioned my story on what happens to me after my books.”

Being a co-creator on any adaptation will mean a lot to Goff.

“In movies and TV, people in the sex industry are usually portrayed as victims,” she explains.

“Whereas in this show, we want to explore the power of female sexuality.”

Amanda Goff: “I don’t need Samantha anymore” Picture: Steven Chee.

There is power in boosting mental health, too. Regardless how she views some of her past choices, Goff is adamant that there is no shame in having bipolar disorder.

“It’s so important to shine a light and lift the stigma for a condition that can be so debilitating, but also such a gift,” she says.

“I have achieved a lot in my life because of the energy and creativity it gives me. Now I just put it to use in a healthy and functional way.”

Registered psychologist Leidreiter, who specialises in bipolar and mood disorders and is working with Goff, says the biggest and most important change she has seen in her client has been her ability to advocate for her condition.

“I treat so many patients who, like Amanda, are missed by the system or go untreated for decades because they fear the discrimination that is still alive and well with this illness,” Leidreiter explains.

“Despite the important awareness that organisations like Black Dog, Beyond Blue and R U OK? have raised in society, there still appears to be a level of tokenism towards our attitude [around] mental illness, especially in workplaces.”

Even though studies show that one in 100 Australians may experience bipolar I disorder, most patients are not given the correct diagnosis until their mid-30s.

“Amanda kept her suspicions and fears about diagnosis close to her chest,” Leidreiter says.

“But with education and support, she is able today to come forward and be an advocate for others to talk openly about their mental health and have the right to live free of fear from discrimination.”

Amanda Goff stars on the cover of this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Steven Chee.

As Goff begins to pack away the stilettos from Samantha’s life, she’s optimistic about the road ahead.

“I love my clients and I love the connection, and I’m so grateful for the people I’ve met along the way,” she says.

“I feel it has been an absolute honour to help women with self-confidence and self-discovery, and I am also extremely privileged to have given men a safe space to open up.

“But I’ve spent the past decade making other people happy, and now it’s time for me. Who knows what the future holds? But whatever it is, it’s Amanda’s.”