Dr Chris Brown weighs in on the great poo bag debate

Nothing divides a previously peaceful neighbourhood like an erroneously placed poo bag. Here, Dr Chris makes a case for why the doggy bags are “actually the hero of the suburbs”.

No single act divides a previously peaceful neighbourhood like this one. No, I’m not talking about nude sunbaking on the front lawn or playing Mariah Carey’s Merry Christmas album in October.

This is all about the great dog-poo debate. The question at hand: is it OK to throw a very full, very used poo bag in a stranger’s very empty wheelie bin if you happen to be walking past one?

It’s essentially the canine form of “poo jogging” – albeit with more containment and less A Current Affair investigation.

Although given how passionate some people are about their bins being a poo bag-free zone, I’m a little surprised it hasn’t come to that yet.

On one side, you have the convenience of not having to carry around one of the most potent parcels on the planet (not to mention the community service of picking it up in the first place).

On the other, there’s the unholy catastrophe of a poo bag landing and then marinating in a sous-vide of bin juice. And, in doing so, creating an aroma that somehow lasts longer than your average UK prime minister.

Dr Chris Brown: ‘Accumulating poo bags is really just a subtle fine for the on-street bin parking’ Picture: Pierre Toussaint for Stellar

In fact, it’s often surprised me that retrieving a discarded bag from deep within a bin on a hot summer’s afternoon hasn’t ever featured as the ultimate torture test on my TV show I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!

But think of the confusion for the dogs themselves: they shyly deposit their business in a seemingly quiet corner of the dog park, only for every last remnant to be collected and bagged like it’s a precious mineral before the haul is paraded through the streets for the entire canine community to see.

In reality, it must almost be a relief when it’s finally taken off public display and lobbed into a bin that’s been left on the street.

The lap of honour for something they were all too keen to offload must seem a little unnecessary.

But what if – and just go with me here – the used poo bag is actually the hero of the suburbs rather than the villain? And what if it’s actually serving an important civic duty here?

I mean, how else do you motivate people to take their bins in immediately after bin night?

I put it to you that losing the poo-bag lottery is the only genuine deterrent to people who put their bins out on a Monday night only to leave that bin abandoned on the streets until they require a place for their rubbish exactly seven days later.

People like me.

Accumulating poo bags is really just a subtle fine for the on-street bin parking. And haven’t we lost a little perspective here?

It’s not like these poo bags are being placed in our bedrooms or our pantries. It’s our garbage bin.

A place where we farewell the most offensive of all items – like used nappies, prawn shells and that pair of saggy Speedos genuinely not fit for visual consumption this summer.

So provided it’s not around the bin, maybe we should all stop and take a deep breath and, just like a dog, put this business behind us.

Dr Chris Brown is a veterinarian and television host.