Dr Chris Brown makes a big baby announcement

TV host and veterinarian Dr Chris Brown is surrounded by babies, and he has brought something into his life that requires some parenting.

I just want to take this moment to make an incredibly bold announcement. No, I’m not having a COVID baby. Going on the number of ultrasound photos, bump updates and gender reveals I’ve seen on social media over the past six months, I may be one of the few who’s not currently deciding between Scout, Tiger or Goji as a suitable baby name.

(As a side note: when did baby names start sounding like dog names and dog names become human names? I mean, just last week in the vet clinic, I vaccinated Colin, Gary and Steve. Despite sounding like the new hosts of a My Kitchen Rules reboot, they were actually Cavoodles. It’s a strange world we live in. But I digress...)

“The hours spent on online forums, the unidentified aromas and the sacrifice of half my kitchen bench space means the experience of owning an air fryer is weirdly similar to parenting.” (Picture: Pål Hansen)

The only conclusion you can draw is that once the online painting classes, guitar lessons and sourdough-bread baking lost their thrill, most of us decided to put something else in the oven. Hopefully with a similar level of “culture” also present.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have my own golden baby Brown baking away. In fact, I feel like I’m missing a major social movement. We’re seeing the literal birth of this century’s baby boomers, who will seemingly outnumber millennials, gen Z and gen Y.

Instead, I’ve decided to join another movement that’s high on time commitment and possibly even higher on social-media content: “generation fry”. Oh yes, I’ve bought an air fryer.

Ah, the air fryer, this generation’s answer to the ’70s fondue set, ’90s breadmaker or the noughties George Foreman grill – only three times the size. In fact, on reflection, the hours spent on online forums, the unidentified aromas and the sacrifice of half my kitchen bench space means the experience is weirdly similar to parenting.

My days are now spent secretly plotting what I can put in my air fryer that night. In fact, in my social circles, I’ve begun segregating based on the haves and the have-nots of air frying, just so I can endlessly celebrate the joy of sweet potato chips cooked in half the time or the high-risk play that is attempting kale chips.

Back to COVID baby names, Kale Chips is almost certainly being delivered in a Byron maternity ward, with little Acai Bowles in a cot not too far away.

Dr Chris Brown features in this Sunday’s Stellar.

In comparison to the rest of the kitchen bench-based cooking cult, I’m not even classified as a devout member. I’ve never used the #AirFryTilIDie hashtag and I’ve never staged a romantic photo shoot with my air fryer like a woman from Oklahoma did in February.

Mainly because the smell of the burnt kale still stuck inside my fryer’s fan is anything but romantic.

Eventually I know the time will come to pull the cord and consign my COVID food baby to the back of the cupboard beside my rice cooker, waffle iron, pikelet maker, spiraliser, SodaStream, ice-cream machine and salad spinner.

But I’ll always look back on the good times that, much like a real pregnancy, mostly centre around a near-endless craving and consumption of salty carbs.

Dr Chris Brown is a veterinarian and television host.