David Campbell: In defence of strict parenting
Television host David Campbell reveals why he’s taking his parenting cues from The Sound of Music’s no-nonsense, structure-loving, old-fashioned Captain Von Trapp.
It was sometime during the last week of term, in the midst of a morning rant at my three kids who seemed to be moving at a glacial pace before school.
Comparing them to icebergs could read like a slight against the frozen wonders because at least they appear to have some sort of focus.
Still, I felt like the old man raging at the sea trying to get these kids dressed and into the car. Seriously, how hard can this be? We do it every day!
When they left, I felt a pang. Now, I am not known to pang often. In fact, I can go months and be pretty pang-free. Pangless if you will.
Yet here I was, for the first time in a long while with some doubt. Was I too hard as a parent? Where did Fun Dad go?
I don’t want to say I can be too much, but while you might love the movie The Sound Of Music for Julie Andrews turning the Von Trapp household upside down with a simple ‘Do-Re-Mi’, I watch the first part and think, “Man, that captain was on to a good thing — where can I get one of those whistles?”
I was brought up in a pretty strict household. Being raised by my grandmother meant she had been through all the tricks in the book many times over. So by the time I came along, she ran the house in a loving but uncompromising way.
Sure, there were treats and fun times, but bedtime was strictly when Fat Cat went to sleep. For dinner you got what you got. If you didn’t have manners, well, young man, there was a wooden spoon in a drawer with your name on it (this threat was enough to never get the dreaded kitchen utensil punishment).
My wife also came from strict British war-baby parents who loved her deeply, but had cast-iron boundaries.
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I can hear Captain Von Trapp in my voice as I keep the old values alive.
Making sure my kids eat all their dinner, asking to be excused after a meal, but only once everyone has finished.
To always greet a grown-up with a handshake and to look them straight in the eye.
No television until after 5 o’clock on a school day. I could go on. I do go on.
Why do I keep going when they (and I) have sometimes had a gutful of the rules and, instead, want to rip down the curtains to make some fun outfits?
Because, like Christopher Plummer, I love them. I can see that structure — applied with lots of love and hugs and laughs — actually works.
If anything, when we relax a bit in school holidays, the children love the first few days of later nights and cartoons in the morning, but then they slowly become ratbags who find it hard to even respond to their own name when I say it to their adorable faces.
Perhaps I am too acutely aware of this and need to give myself a break. Maybe I need to give them a break.
Yet when we say “So long, farewell” at the end of the day, and we all hug, give kisses and say “I love you”, I feel it’s working. They go to sleep without too much fuss, happy and with sweet dreams.
Auf Wiedersehen. Goodnight kids.
David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am Monday — Wednesday, and Weekend Today, 7am weekends.
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