An open letter to the tooth fairy by David Campbell

WATCHING his son’s innocence seep away as he grows up too soon has turned David Campbell into an embarrassing weepy dad, typing a letter to a fictional character.

David Campbell with his fast-growing son Leo and wife Lisa.

DEAR Tooth Fairy,

We have known each other for a while now and I am down with the reverse-interest business deal you offer. I lose my teeth as a child and you give me money (50 cents back in my day). Then, when I get older and have my own children, they start to lose their wee chompers and you fly in and “gift” them a gold coin (inflation) in exchange for a tooth. In theory, this is the worst business deal I have ever been a part of. Shouldn’t I put in 50 cents then get back a gold coin? Or even a note?

So already we have established that your business model is flawed. But that is not the dental bone I have to pick with you.

Leo, my oldest, has lost a few teeth already. The piggy bank by his bed is fuller due to your visits over the past few years. All the cute little teeth across the bottom of his mouth fell out one by one. His initial level of anxiety at what was happening, to the unbridled excitement by the second or third wobbly white wonder — it has been an adventure to live this again through his eyes.

David Campbell playing dress-upa with son Leo. Picture: Instagram

Then it happened. Two teeth. Leo’s top two teeth started to get loose. To be played with in wonder in the mirror. To be tongued in the back seat of the car as he tried to make the inevitable happen quicker.

This morning was T-Day. The first upper tooth fell out. A victim to a kick in the mouth from a younger brother. And I am not happy. I’ll tell you why, Tooth Fairy: this is different. His face is changing. Time is moving on. I’ve been there; you remember what happens next. The gaps up top. The awkward lisping. The photos where you start to get self-conscious, and then tombstones that are way too big for your mouth pave the way for more changes.

Here I am, the embarrassing weepy dad, typing a letter to a fictional character because I am dreading the loss of innocence

This is what gets me the most. I am starting to say goodbye to my baby — the nerd boy who dressed up and went on adventures with pure abandon is changing. His perfect smile in a photo will be changed forever. More changes will follow, and that is why I am angry with you. It’s not necessarily what you leave behind, but what you take away. You are the harbinger of the tween years, one of the horsemen of the hormonal apocalypse that is to come.

Grandad Jimmy Barnes with David Campbell, Leo and David’s then newborn twins, Betty and Billy. Picture: Supplied

I took a photograph of Leo just yesterday and it seemed he got taller in anticipation of your arrival. Longer limbs, a cooler look in the eyes — or is that the beginning of an attitude I don’t yet recognise? My eyes sting when I open the photo app on my phone and I see this shot. I want to grab him and tell him: “Don’t grow up!”

I need to admit that he has been my little boy for so long, that I am not ready. All parents say this. I am sure you have heard it all before, but do you really listen?

So here I am, the embarrassing weepy dad, typing a letter to a fictional character because I am dreading the loss of innocence, the dawn of change to come and the realisation that he will have no front teeth at Christmas. Like that bloody song!

Lucky I have two spare kids who are a little way off.

David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am weekdays, on the Nine Network.