Carrie Bickmore: ‘We all need to be kinder right now’
Carrie Bickmore is proud to call herself a mega-fan of singer Sam Smith. But when she recently got the chance to interview them in person, she had to confront some outdated assumptions – and now she is sharing what she learnt.
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Never has the phrase “we fear what we don’t know” been more appropriate than in the lead-up to my recent interview with my music crush Sam Smith.
In September last year, the UK singer-songwriter announced via Instagram they were non-binary. A non-binary person is someone who doesn’t identify as exclusively a man or a woman.
“I’ve decided I am changing my pronouns to THEY/THEM. After a lifetime of being at war with my gender I’ve decided to embrace myself for who I am, inside and out,” Sam explained.
For a child who came out when they were just 10 years of age, but didn’t meet another gay man until they were 19, it must have been a liberating announcement for Sam.
But the sense of elation for Sam translated into anxiety for me as I prepped for my interview, embarking on a crash course in gender fluidity, terrified I might unknowingly offend one of my favourite people.
Despite my best intentions, every time I mentioned the interview to people, I’d stuff up the pronouns. “He’s had a fascinating life,” I’d say. “Sorry ‘they’ have had...” “His new music is incredible – argh! – ‘their’ new music,” and so it went on.
There was a huge amount of confusion from colleagues and friends as I tried and often failed to use the correct pronouns. Some hadn’t seen Sam’s announcement, others didn’t understand what a pronoun was, let alone get their head around the use of the word THEY in that context.
I confessed to Sam during the interview that I kept getting it wrong, and to my surprise they admitted they trip up, too.
“I am a human being,” Sam said, “I have been called he and him since the day I was born, 27 years ago.” Sam’s honesty was disarming and refreshing. Apparently, even their own mum still gets it wrong sometimes.
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It struck me that intent and kindness is what’s needed as we navigate this complex new world together, the permission to make mistakes, a generosity of spirit from everyone.
The more Sam spoke, my initial worry was overtaken by a desire to know more. To understand their world. “All I can say is that when people use my pronouns correctly, it’s a wonderful feeling. I feel safe and I feel happy and I feel completely seen,” Sam said.
This is not about us, it’s about THEM. If using the correct pronouns – however tricky it can be to retrain our thought process – makes someone feel seen, then what more reason do we need?
Sam discovered they were non-binary while on tour in Brisbane a few years ago. They said in some ways it’s easier for them to be their true self here in Australia than back home in the UK. That’s something we should feel proud of.
Our big beautiful inclusive country and its incredible LGBTQI+ community wrapped its loving arms around Sam and allowed them to be their true self. Everyone deserves to feel seen.
*Due to print times, articles are written in advance of the fast-changing news cycle.
Carrie co-hosts The Project, 6.30pm weeknights on Network 10, and Carrie & Tommy, 3pm weekdays on the Hit Network.