Carrie Bickmore: ‘I have baggage... aged 3 and 10’
“I LOVE travelling,” declares Carrie Bickmore. “I didn’t get to do much of it in my 20s so I’m trying to make up for it. Only this time, I have baggage... they’re called ‘children’.”
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AIRPORT PA: “Calling all business class passengers and those travelling with children to board first.” Oh, how different the next 11 hours will be for those two sets of people!
I love travelling but didn’t get to do much of it in my 20s, so I’m trying to make up for it now in my mid *cough* late-30s, only this time I have baggage. Live baggage aged three and 10.
So this is how our flight went.
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Hour 1: We board first as instructed. (I wonder why we actually want the extra time sitting on the plane with kids.) The flight is delayed on the tarmac.
Hour 2: Still on the ground. The kids have eaten ALL the snacks I packed for them. I am colouring Evie’s book ferociously while she boots the seat in front of her. My friend suggested bringing one little wrapped pressie for every hour of the flight to avoid them spending the entire time on screens. Great parenting, I thought. But Evie’s seat looks like Christmas morning already and I have just one gift left for when we are in the air.
Hour 3: We’re in the air and I’ve already given in to the iPad. I need Peppa Pig like I’ve never needed her before. Food arrives but the kids aren’t hungry because they over-snacked.
Hour 4: Kids are suddenly starving but we’ve missed lunch and dinner is four hours away. Chris is asleep. Someone sitting near us is farting.
Hour 5: Peppa is still going strong. My three-year-old’s ability to watch ep after ep deserves a medal.
Hour 6: Both kids still watching screens. I think I could finally watch Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette. I watch it in two-minute instalments as I keep stopping to reinsert Evie’s earbuds and take her to the toilet for the 100th time. She’s just intrigued at the sound it makes and never actually goes.
Hour 7: How the hell did my mum entertain me back in the day without technology? SHE deserves the medal. And seriously, who is making that smell?
Hour 8: Evie is knackered. She’s been up since 4am, but she refuses to sleep. Instead she just wriggles and grizzles, and insists on sitting on top of me. (There is limited space given my growing belly.) Chris is playing hangman with Ollie.
Hour 9: Are we there yet? Please, for the love of humanity, are we there yet? Why is Australia so far from everywhere?!
Hour 10: We circle an extra 30 minutes as there’s no runway free. As we prepare for landing, Evie falls asleep. Typical.
Hour 11: Touch down. Clear customs with a now sleepy three-year-old and a strangely wired 10-year-old and wait for luggage. Waiting. Waiting. Pram doesn’t arrive. We carry child and five bags to the car. Dressed for summer. It’s 5°C and blowing a gale.
Hour 12: Arrive home to eight loads of washing and four days of jet lag. Mum calls and asks, “How was the trip?” I reply, “It was amazing, we want to go back.”
How quickly we’ve forgotten the pain. Already planning our next adventure.
P.S. Nanette was brilliant.
Carrie co-hosts The Project, 6.30pm weeknights on Network Ten, and Carrie & Tommy, 3pm weekdays on the Hit Network.