Candace Bushnell on why she’s no longer “a Carrie”

Now aged 60, author of Sex And The City Candace Bushnell talks about being single later in life, why she’s no longer “a Carrie” — and why good guys are a myth.

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It’s been more than 20 years since New York newspaper columnist Candace Bushnell released Sex And The City, an anthology of her work that gave readers spiky, no-holds-barred insight topped with a dollop of puns — oh, the puns! — about dating hazards as a 30-something urban woman.

Bushnell immediately struck a nerve, and soon the book’s popularity would inspire a groundbreaking television series and two subsequent film follow-ups, along with a prequel novel, The Carrie Diaries, which spawned its own (and albeit much shorter-lived) TV adaptation. She also changed society’s perception of single women — and, indirectly, fashion trends and Manhattan — forever.

Now 60 and unexpectedly divorced, Bushnell and many of her friends are... single and dating again. And naturally, their mutual antics have inspired another book, which she discusses with Stella r.

“I think those fears are also a metaphor for ageing in a culture where you find that your coin doesn’t go as far as it used to”. (Picture: Australscope)

Your new book, Is There Still Sex In The City?, is in development as a possible TV series. Could it be as revolutionary as Sex And The City was?

I hope so. It’s a similar feeling writing this to when I was writing Sex And The City. There was real disdain for single women in their 30s then — it’s hard for people to believe, but it really was like that. Now it’s like that for people in their 50s; it’s an invisible demographic.

Society gives you the message that you’re supposed to go away at 50 and be a grandmother. But the other day I was out at a party and saw Dana Delany and Julianne Moore... they both looked amazing [Delany is 63; Moore is 58]. It’s a really vibrant time, but it’s not represented.

So is there still sex in the city?

[Laughs.] The quick answer is yes, but much less!

Did society treat you differently after you turned 50?

Absolutely. It’s like all of these things with ageing. It seems like it happens slowly, and then one day you go to the drugstore [pharmacy] and they don’t even look at you.

One of the hardest things is getting those negative messages out of your head, like the idea that you can’t do certain things or wear certain things anymore. We do live in an ageist society.

You write in your book about having some financial problems. People would assume that with the level of success you’ve enjoyed over the years, money wouldn’t be an issue.

I do have money concerns and it’s the reality of being my age. You just can’t assume you’re going to continue making the same amount of money that you made when you were younger. You can make more, but you can’t assume anything. It’s like this panic of, “Oh my god, what if everything goes wrong?”

And it’s also partly me saying, “Hey, if you’re shocked at my situation, sweetie, you better look at your situation.” Because if I’m worried... well, then most people should be. But I think those fears are also a metaphor for ageing in a culture where you find that your coin doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Bushnell at a book signing. (Picture: Getty Images)

You made such an impact on the modern perception of New York and its identity, but you no longer live there. What made you choose to leave?

To be honest, I was just so tired of it. I gave it all I got, and now I can’t even get a mortgage on my own freaking apartment? After 30 years of striving! I could have stayed, but part of it was I just really wanted to hear my own voice instead of everybody else’s.

What do your friends think about you sharing their stories?

First of all, they’re not any one particular person. I wanted the characters to be like every woman, because the fact is that none of these stories are unique.

And whenever I go to a party and someone asks, “Are you still writing?”, I tell them I’m writing about middle-aged dating and everybody says, “Do I have a story for you!” And then they tell me those stories. I’ve combined them into characters based on friends, acquaintances and strangers.

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Your description of heterosexual men in the book is pretty damning. Do you think your view is realistic, cynical or perhaps a bit of both?

[Sigh.] I think it’s pretty realistic. Let’s just consider the facts — up to four women are killed every day in the United States by a male partner, and that statistic is pretty much true everywhere.

This is one of the things that I get criticised for the most by women, but I say, “Sweetie, wake up — the good guy is a fantasy that women have created. That guy does not exist.”

And I’m not saying there aren’t good guys. Of course there are good guys out there.

But there is a silence around the reality of relationships, how sexist [men] actually are, the ways women lose power in relationships and the ways that women try to keep power in relationships, and how men can use the ways of women in relationships.

Of course it works both ways, but I would say my portraits of men are realistic.

Bushnell with Sarah Jessica Parker who famously played Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. (Picture: Getty Images)

You gave Tinder a shot and revealed that it didn’t go well. Having experienced it, what advice would you give to someone wanting to try it?

People tell me all the time, “Oh, we met on Tinder” — and it can just be a way to meet people. But when online dating becomes a lifestyle, that’s when it seems to really short-circuit people.

I think you can try it if you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, but to me it seems very soul-destroying. It’s not designed to make you feel good. There are no checks or balances, because you don’t know anything about where the person comes from or what their world is.

Candace Bushnell features in this Sunday’s Stellar.

At this point in your life, and using the Sex And The City characters as a reference, would you say you’re a Carrie, a Miranda, a Charlotte or a Samantha?

I always say, of course I’m Carrie, because the character originally was me. It was my alter ego.

But now as I’ve gone on I’ve thought... maybe I’m really the Miranda. I want to be the Samantha [laughs]. And as for Charlotte? I just couldn’t.

Is There Still Sex In The City? by Candace Bushnell (Hachette, $32.99) is out on Tuesday.

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