Bianca Dye: ‘Don’t feel sorry for me this Mother’s Day’
After recently suffering her third miscarriage, radio personality Bianca Dye opens up why she remains hopeful even as she struggles with her grief.
After recently suffering her third miscarriage, radio personality Bianca Dye has learnt the power in being open and honest with other women about her grief.
Please don’t feel sorry for me today. You don’t need to avoid me or post sad face emojis on my Instagram with comments like “one day you will be celebrating Mother’s Day too”.
It’s lovely, sure. But I don’t need this. My path, and the path of many others who are going through what I am, just looks a little different to others, that’s all.
For some of us it is a long, hard journey. And for many, motherhood is something they will never experience.
At the moment I’m sitting at the halfway mark, having experienced it all. I’m still holding onto a thread of hope. And this is a beautiful place, one that I’m happy to stay in for now.
I certainly didn’t think my recent miscarriage (my third) would leave me feeling so connected to other women.
I kept my previous two miscarriages very private. There is a bizarre sense of shame, depression and isolation that can come with keeping something like that so close to you.
I understand why many people don’t want to share, and that is absolutely fine, we are all different and we all grieve in different ways.
Being somebody that has lived most of my life out in public, I decided this time around I would be very open about my miscarriage.
I knew there were risks with that, but jeez I’m glad I shared it this time. I literally felt like the people on my social media feeds reached out, put their arms around me and gave me a huge hug.
MORE STELLAR
Guy Sebastian opens up about marriage, faith and THAT court battle
Sam Armytage: ‘What’s in a name? Um, everything’
I have never been inundated with so many messages from women (and many men) who said that by sharing my story I helped to create conversations in cars and homes that perhaps would not have taken place.
I didn’t actually realise there is so much shame around miscarriage. But it’s so common and so many people suffer in silence. Why can’t we talk about it?
After my miscarriage a lady serving me at a department store asked me, “How are you feeling today?” And I said, “Honestly? I’ve just had 10 days off work grieving from a miscarriage.”
At first she looked really shocked, like she couldn’t believe I would share something so personal. Then a look of relief spread over her face.
She glanced down, then looked up and said, “I had one last year and it was really difficult. I couldn’t tell anybody so I came back to work the next day.”
I hate to sound clichéd, but the lesson I have learnt is that in sharing and being so open about my IVF journey and miscarriages, I have allowed other people to be open and honest. It creates an incredible domino effect.
And just like the road to motherhood looks different for everyone, feelings about Mother’s Day are individual, too.
Just because someone isn’t a biological mother, doesn’t mean they don’t have a family in their life that they cherish and adore.
Of course, there are others who find it to be a really challenging day. For me, I still have hope on this journey.
And if that’s you too, then keep up the hope. There are so many incredible stories of rainbow babies and “miracle” families — who knows where this road will lead?
Bianca is the co-host of Brisbane’s 97.3FM’s Bianca, Mike & Bob, which can be heard on the iHeartRadio app.
‘Opens your eyes’: Pat Cummins on his mother’s death
As captain of the Australian cricket team, Pat Cummins is used to life in the sporting spotlight. But nothing prepared him for the loss of his true hero – his mother.
Mel Leong reflects on MasterChef exit
The former MasterChef judge opens up about leaving the reality series – and her latest role on the new season of Dessert Masters, as she teases what’s next.