Surge in Aussies making excuses to stay at home. Here’s why

The Joy Of Missing Out or JOMO is prevalent among young Australians. See symptoms and expert advice to break the cycle.

Summer brunches and festive gatherings are almost here – but don’t hold your breath for everyone to show up to the party.

After two years of being forced to stay indoors, it seems many are still comfortable sitting at home and making excuses to avoid hanging out with friends.

And this has sparked a new trend called JOMO, also known as joy of missing out, across the nation, with an overwhelming number of people bailing on their organised social plans.

New findings from Ben & Jerry’s found that 74 per cent have used an excuse, whether it be a truth or a lie, to cancel plans when they wanted to stay in rather than go out.

Holly Betts is among those cancelling plans to sit at home. Picture: Justin Lloyd.

One in two say they feel a sense of joy and relief when they stay in always or most of the time they decide to do so, while others say getting all dressed up to go out is too much of a hassle (21 per cent) and that they feel stressed and prefer comfort food (20 per cent).

The top excuses that respondents most likely used when cancelling plans include they are unwell and don’t want to risk infecting people (49 per cent), they have a last-minute family event (27 per cent), and they forgot they were meant to do something (22 per cent).

Women (78 per cent) were more likely than men (71 per cent) to use an excuse to avoid going out.

Holly Betts, 24, uses excuses so she can chill and snack on the couch.

“My favourite excuse that I have used a few times is ‘I just went for a run and locked myself out of my house … sorry I won’t be able to make it in time’” she says.

“Even if we are not willing to admit it, we all cancel plans and I am sure we all get the JOMO feels every now and then.”

Psychologist and Crappy to Happy founder Cass Dunn.

THE JOYS AND LOWS

According to psychologist and Crappy to Happy founder Cass Dunn, missing out on plans can sometimes be a good thing, and “not being at all concerned with what anyone else is doing or what you might be missing out on”.

“The joy of cancelling is not just about getting yourself off the hook, but validating your own needs and preferences,” she says.

“It’s a sign of emotional maturity and self-awareness to be able to make your choices based on what is really true for you, not out of a fear of missing out.”

While “me time” is crucial, Dunn says there are limitations.

“There are some occasions when cancelling plans is not necessarily the best choice and we all need to be honest with ourselves about our motivation and what’s driving the desire to withdraw from a commitment and curl up on the couch instead,” she says.

“For example, there might be a social anxiety issue that’s getting out of hand. Sometimes social withdrawal can be a sign of a low mood, and obviously serial cancelling runs the risk of damaging relationships.”

BRAIN RESPONSE

When we make the call to cancel plans, particularly if the event is something we’re not looking forward to, many of us experience a feeling of relief and a surge of pleasure.

Dunn says that’s partly due to the release of the neurotransmitter, dopamine.

“It’s responsible for the rush of pleasure we feel when we achieve or acquire something, so that you remember to do that thing again in the future … which is how cancelling plans can become a habit if you let it,” she says.

“When you cancel those plans, you have a reduction in the amygdala response (giving you a sense of immediate relief) as well as the rush of pleasure of dopamine.

“How your brain responds when you get cancelled on will depend on how you’re feeling about the event – but if it’s something you’re not particularly looking forward to, then you’re likely to experience similar effects as if you’re the one doing the cancelling.”

GETTING OUT THERE

Set an end time on your plans

Sometimes we assume that attending an event means we’ll be trapped into staying out later than we want to, so we’d rather skip the whole thing. Instead, give yourself an end time so that you know you have an exit strategy.

Connect in a quiet place

If you don’t feel up to facing a big crowd or noisy venue, see if you can connect with someone in a more quiet, intimate or relaxed setting to get that important social connection, such as grabbing a coffee or meeting up for a walk in the sunshine.

Ask yourself what matters most

When you’re clear on that, remind yourself that living a full life usually means doing things that feel a little uncomfortable in the service of your values.

Always make an effort

If you’ve had the experience of cancelling your plans only to wish later that you’d made more of an effort, try future-pacing to that point when you know you’re going to wish you’d showed up for your friends.

Source: Psychologist and Crappy to Happy founder Cass Dunn

Originally published as Surge in Aussies making excuses to stay at home. Here’s why