Joe Hildebrand tackles romance in the ‘burbs

If you don’t have time to stack the dishwasher correctly, here are Joe Hildebrand’s other ways to make a long-suffering lady friend feel special.

The other day my wife and I realised it was our wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, we realised it was our wedding anniversary the previous week.

For some reason this caused something of a mild upset in my beloved partner and there was nothing I could do to console her.

“But darling,” I said, “just think about all the money we saved by not having to go out to dinner.”

For some reason this only made it worse.

It is fair to say that when you get married, become parents and move to the suburbs, the nature of romance changes, in much the same way the nature of dinosaurs changed after the asteroid hit.

Suddenly the lifeblood of your relationship goes from being beer and wine and good times to … well, just beer and wine.

Bold romantic gestures also change. When I appeared outside my wife’s house while we were courting she would dash out her window and we would frolic away into the night.

For those who need reminding, this is how a romantic dinner used to look.

Now when I do it her new husband calls the police.

But, of course, I speak in jest – it is more that what you want and need from a relationship changes, and so when my wife reminded me that Valentine’s Day was coming up I knew there was one thing I immediately had to do: the kitchen.

But if you don’t have time to stack the dishwasher correctly, there are other ways to make your long-suffering lady friend feel special – just avoid these common parental pitfalls.

For example, you could take her out for a lovely dinner – just don’t attempt to pay for it with a Dine & Discover voucher.

Or you could take her for a long romantic walk – just don’t go in your running shorts or try to race her back to the car.

Or you could take her for a weekend away without the kids – just make sure you let somebody else know where the kids are.

Or you could do perhaps the most romantic thing any mother could possibly want and let her go without all of you.

Joe Hildebrand is host of The Blame Game, 8.30pm Fridays on Sky News Australia