How to get boys on right path to becoming men
Australia has a youth mental health crisis and experts say parents need as much practical – and early – help as possible.
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Even grown-ups find it tough navigating social media and other pervasive influences, so imagine how hard it is for kids. And it shows: Australia has a youth mental health crisis and today as R U OK? Day is a good reminder they need our help.
Author and social worker Jessica Sanders’ new book Be Your Own Man offers a helping hand to young boys and parents. Here’s how to make a start.
1. Embrace individuality and self-expression
Celebrating your son’s individuality is key. Every child has a unique character that blossoms with freedom and acceptance. “Kids are … always thinking about their identity and what they can be. We live in a gendered world, so we’ve got to speak to their experiences to unlock the limitations, so that they can be themselves,” Sanders says.
2. Identify positive male role models
Boys can’t be what they can’t see, so tell your son about men you admire and invite him to find his own role models. “Not only of male bodies of all different types, but also males exhibiting different behaviours, interests and emotions. It’s really important to show them that and to invite them to explore them all.”
3. Reclaim so-called feminine qualities
Kindness, empathy and vulnerability are human qualities, not feminine ones. “They are incredibly powerful, transformative, lovely qualities. If we can show their value and importance and celebrate them in our young boys, that will go a long way.”
4. Walk the talk
You don’t need a huge social media following to make a difference. You’re always a leading influencer with your child. “Create that positive, accepting culture at home and in the playground. Ask how they’re feeling, make a regular habit of it, and create safe spaces. It is up to parents, grandparents and families to … help boys find new ways of being boys and men. The most important role models are the ones in their lives.”
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Father of three Aaron Love has been the stay-at-home primary parent since wife Emmylou MacCarthy’s career as a producer, author and influencer hit warp speed. Long gone are the days when only mothers were homemakers, but it’s not the only area where Sage, 9, and sisters Camellia, 8, and Vida, 5, are being shown they can blaze their own trail.
“It’s not about gender at all,” Mr Love says. “It’s about the individual. Even though Sage is a boy, Camellia and Vida are girls, it’s always about treating others with respect, about being responsible for your own actions, dealing with your own emotions.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, it’s really about being themselves, loving themselves and loving each other.”
Mr Love says he agrees that open communication and trust now will hopefully translate to greater wellbeing for life.
“I’ve always tried to... be there with them so that they feel supported the whole time. If they have enough trust and freedom to communicate their own feelings, through difficult times they will hopefully turn to that,” he says.
Originally published as How to get boys on right path to becoming men