Blooms for blokes: Men want women to step-up the romance

Men call for women to step up on the romance front, as gift-giving remains decidedly one-sided.

Contemporary society has made great strides towards equality, but when it comes to romantic gift-giving, standards haven’t ventured far beyond the 1950s.

A new survey shows men are rather left-out on the romance front, and even though over 83 per cent say they would find it romantic to receive a gift from someone who has a crush on them, a rate higher among men than women – the latter are overwhelmingly the recipients of such romantic gestures.

Daniel Seymour, pictured with girlfriend Ava Dunstan, is among the modern men who welcome romantic gestures from their partner. Picture: Brad Fleet

Blooms for blokes

The survey, commissioned by online dating app Bumble and Daily Blooms, found that most men would be happy to receive red roses, tulips or orchids from an admirer or loved one, yet suggests many won’t be given flowers until their funeral. Just three per cent of bouquets purchased through the online florist go to male recipients, according to Daily Blooms figures, and Bumble’s APAC communications director, Lucille McCart, says it’s time to move on from staid perceptions around romantic gifts. “We are stuck in this idea that men need to take the lead in dating and relationships, and therefore they need to be the ones that initiate romance,” she says. “Tied to this is the idea that gifting a man something such as flowers would be emasculating or something only women would enjoy.”

Making the first move

The survey also found that men are ready and willing for women to be more forthcoming in the early stages of a relationship, with 75 per cent of men surveyed saying they wish women would make the first move and ask them out. Meanwhile, just over half the women surveyed said they’d be willing to do so.

Levelling the playing field: despite a majority of Australians valuing equality in relationships, many feel confined to gender roles when it comes to romance.

Further Bumble research reveals behaviour is out-of-step with attitudes as, despite 88 per cent of respondents saying equality is important in relationships, two-thirds believe gender roles are so ingrained that they behave in ways less true to who they are.

Bucking the trend are Brisbane’s Ava Dunstan and Daniel Seymour. Since meeting online four years ago, the couple has done away with traditional gender roles, with Ava the first to reach out and suggest they meet in person, and both equally likely to receive spontaneous romantic gifts from their partner.

Ava Dunstan gives her partner Daniel Seymour a bunch to say thanks for being a great bloke. Picture: Brad Fleet

“It goes both ways,” Ava says. “As a woman, I want to be able to surprise my partner with flowers or a gift. Everyone deserves to feel special, and there’s joy in surprising someone you care about and seeing the look on their face.”

It isn’t uncommon for Ava to surprise Daniel with a bouquet of native blooms as a congratulatory gift if something has gone well for him at work, or simply a “just because” gesture. “A gift doesn’t always have to be something they’ve been wanting or needing – sometimes it’s more special if it’s unexpected,” she says.

Time to step up?

Despite belonging to the pragmatic and progressive Gen Z cohort, 23-year-old Ava says her approach towards romance is unusual among her peers. “I have quite a few single girlfriends who are on online dating sites but don’t want to be the first to message or suggest meeting up,” she says. According to Ava, coming from a position of confidence and self-fulfilment can help women feel empowered to make the first move. “For me, I was in a good place in my life, with my career, with my friends, and wanted someone to share that with,” she says. “I was after someone to add value to my life, rather than someone to fill a void, so I thought, why not just go for it?”

Online dating sites have transformed the way people meet potential partners, but some women still hold back from making the first move. Photo: iStock

Playing fair

Bumble’s resident sexologist, Chantelle Otten, shares her tips for women on taking the romantic lead.

1: Challenge outdated norms

Stepping beyond gender expectations in the formative days of a relationship will set the tone going forward, Otten advises: “You will be able to also see the ripple effect of those equal moves across the rest of the romantic relationship if it does progress. If you can show that you’re moving on your own accord and doing what you want, not what you’re expected to do, you can mould a relationship that suits you and the person you are dating or romantically interested in.”

2: Share the love

Men benefit equally from being the recipients of romantic gestures, and the affirmation can encourage them to do away with unnecessary games. “It can create strong romantic ties if you’re both feeling seen, heard, desired and adored,” Otten says. “This can make mascs and men feel they are safe and can lean into a relationship a little more and step away from expectations of playing it cool.”

3: Be brave

Don’t let a fear of rejection hold you back. “If you feel something, give it a shot,” Otten says. “Romantic gestures such as buying the first drink, making the first move, buying flowers and going for it makes you stand out. In such a crazy world at the moment and with people wanting to get back out there and date, it’s definitely nice to take that first step forward.”