The 5 signs that tell you you’re in a one-sided relationship

Are you in a one-sided relationship? A relationship coach offers some helpful tips to be aware of if you think your relationship may be one-sided.

In a perfect world, all of our relationships, whether platonic or romantic, have a natural give-and-take. However, this is not always the case and one-sided relationships can form without us even realising. Certified relationship coach Anna Swoboda offers some helping cues to be mindful of if you think your relationship may be one-sided.

We’ve all been there – you’re in a relationship and the other person just doesn’t seem that interested … no matter what you do!

But how can someone tell if their relationship is one-sided?

There are common signs that are often best observed by someone external to the relationship – however, the most common present themselves when it comes to communication, dates, and being introduced to family/friends.

The 5 signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship. Picture: iStock

While you may or may not realise it, one-sided relationships can become quite toxic. You might find yourself investing all your time and effort into a person and getting nothing in return, or you might feel completely out of control.

Regardless, it is important to know when to bite the bullet and move on to greener pastures.

As a relationship coach, I’ve come across many clients who have been in one-sided relationships – and they’ve always known something was wrong but didn’t have the tools or advice to accurately identify why they felt this way.

To help, here’s a list of some of the common signs that tell you you’re in a one-sided relationship.

Organising plans should be a joint effort. Picture: iStock.

You do all the organising

One of the most telling signs of a one-sided relationship is when you are the sole person organising plans to see each other and spend quality time together. In a healthy relationship, both people should want to see each other equally – it shouldn’t be one-sided.

People who experience this are often left feeling as if they are the only adult in the relationship – describing their partner with childlike characteristics. If you feel this way it might be good to take a step back and examine your relationship from an outside view.

One-sided communication

Does your partner leave you on delivered, read, or just blatantly ghost you?

If so, your relationship is most likely one-sided. A healthy relationship is based entirely on effective, open, and honest communication.

Not responding to a partner’s message is the same as saying ‘talk to the hand’. It shows that they aren’t interested in what you have to say, nor do they value your opinions.

This one is easy to measure, compare your partner’s level of communication with that of your friends to see how one-sided it might be.

Imbalance of financial contributions

The financial situation of couples is always a contentious topic – it’s where the highest percentage of arguments arise. When discussing this topic, we must take care. If you are finding yourself paying for your partner noticeably more than they are paying for you then this might be a sign of an unhealthy and one-sided relationship.

Relationships are a team effort, both people should support each other, this includes sharing costs and treating each other once in a while. While tracking every expense and noting down what is owed can be a sign of a controlling relationship – knowing that you are both even is a sign of an open and healthy financial relationship.

Couples in a healthy relationship should share financial and household costs. Picture: iStock.

They are unreliable

Does your partner cancel on you and then create a seemingly stupid excuse to absolve themselves of blame?

I get it, things happen, and the occasional cancellation is acceptable but if it’s happening on repeated occasions, it may be a sign of a one-sided relationship. Take a step back and ask yourself, has my partner cancelled on me an unreasonable number of times?

You always apologise

Even if you do nothing wrong, you feel as if you have to apologise; this could be a sign that your partner is gaslighting you – a key trait of a one-sided relationship. If you are made to feel worthless or incompetent enough that you have to apologise for yourself then it’s time to pack your things.

So, when should you bite the bullet, and move on to greener pastures?

There can be a number of reasons for an imbalance in a relationship.

Whether it’s the toxicity, manipulation, or gaslighting – knowing when to move on is often the hardest step. First, you must consider the following saying: ‘no relationship is beyond saving’.

Your partner may have poor communication skills, differing expectations of what a relationship is, competing life interests, or any other factor that is getting in the way of them fully opening up.

Try your best to communicate openly with them – consider seeing a relationship coach as well. They are able to help you accurately identify why you are feeling the way you are, as well as provide actionable suggestions on how to improve.

If you feel comfortable, consider asking your partner to join you for a session. It is never too late to try.

Anna Swoboda is a certified relationship coach and founder of offline dating agency Heart Match. She has been on more than 1000 dates herself, and now helps others find their match. Heart Match delves into attachment theory to help find them a compatible future partner.

This article originally appeared in Body + Soul and was reproduced with permission

Originally published as The 5 signs that tell you you’re in a one-sided relationship