New term that describes why you’re chronically single revealed

One woman has said there is a new term that could describe why you’re chronically single, admitting she had a “light bulb moment” when she heard it.

What if there was one word that could perfectly summarise why you are still single? Well, there may be.

I just happened to stumble upon it recently and I had the biggest light bulb moment that helped me face a painful truth.

It’s called “fleabagging”. And it’s safe to say I have suffered from it for at least 10 years now. Perhaps longer.

The word comes from the iconic TV series Fleabag about a woman in her 30s who bounces from one disastrous bloke to the next. They all have the same thing in common. They are emotionally unavailable, slightly risky, massive players, and all-round dud dudes. But the lead character keeps dating the same type of guy repeatedly.

During the Covid era, I devoured that TV series because I had never found a show that resonated with me so deeply. However, therein lies the problem: this satirical series made the punchline about her having terrible taste in men — a trait I rather annoyingly found reflected in myself.

Jana Hocking reveals there is one word that could explain why you're single. Picture: Jana Hocking/Instagram

Now don’t get me wrong, these guys are all perfectly fine if you were friends with them. Funny, charming, life of the party. But to date them is an entirely different story. My 10 years of situationships all featured one thing. I dated guys that were never in the market for a girlfriend. And I collected them like basketball cards.

And I can’t even shame them, because it’s what I accepted. In fact, if I’m being completely honest with myself, they all showed their red flags early. I just happened to turn into a bull when I saw them and charged straight towards those red flags with a big ol’ smile on my face. Oh, Jana.

And it’s not just me. So many of my friends are finding themselves stuck in the never-ending situationship cycles with guys who have zero plans of settling down. They go on cute dates, have fun sleep overs, but when it comes to the ‘what are we’ chat … well … that’s when things get tricky.

The term is Fleabagging, from the popular show, referring to emotionally unavailable, slightly risky, massive players, and all-round dud dudes.

It’s bloody horrible to watch it play out. And a recent study by dating site Plenty of Fish found that 63 per cent of women are stuck in the same cycle.

Thankfully, I’ve turned a corner. The crazy thing is I actually just got really bored of the whole thing. The drama, the rejection, the emotional rollercoaster. It stopped being exciting and I longed for a bit of normality. Plus, my cortisol levels were shot. Basically, I had a situationship burnout, and thank God!

Earlier this year I made some fairly dramatic changes. I called off any form of kinda/sorta dating scenario. I started asking guys what they were looking for a lot earlier, and when a guy showed Peter Pan tendencies (ie they never really grew up) I aborted mission. Old me would have seen it as a fun challenge. Oh lord.

She said the men showed their red flags early by she stayed. Picture: Jana Hocking/Instagram

Since then things have been on the up. I’ve started going for guys with gentlemanly traits. I was flattered when a guy recently asked me to dinner, and not only made a booking but also turned up in a gorgeous outfit, with a fresh spritz of cologne and a great attitude. And here’s the kicker girls, he then followed it up with a swoon-worthy text when he left thanking me for a great time.

Now this all sounds like minor things, but when you’ve been settling for breadcrumbs in the past, this is actually a big whoop. Plus, it says a lot about the standard of dates I had accepted in the past.

Far too many times we’re settling for a drink and a fondle and calling it a date. Snore.

There’s the famous saying, “The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Well, perhaps it’s about time we start taking responsibility for our own part in this rubbish dating process and start upping our standards.

If he sounds like a dud, don’t see him as a challenge, see him as a full stop and move on to someone better. Someone good for your cortisol levels. Honestly, I can’t recommend it enough.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as New term that describes why you’re chronically single revealed