Marriage lessons: Divorced man's top 20 things to do differently

"NEVER change her." After his marriage failed, this divorced man made a list of 20 things he'd do differently next time. The response was overwhelming.

Gerald Rogers regrets that his marriage ended 16 years after his wedding day. Picture: Facebook

NEVER blame her. Allow her just to be. Never get lazy in love.

If father of four Gerald Rogers had taken his own advice, he might not be going through the grief of divorce.

But after his marriage of 16 years ended, Rogers wrote on Facebook the 20 things he would do differently if he had his time over again with his now ex-wife.

"Obviously, I'm not a relationship expert," Rogers begins. "But there's something about my divorce being finalised this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different ... After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I would have had."

The response was overwhelming.

Divorced father of four, Gerald Rogers, is frank about his marriage failures. Picture: Facebook

Posted in late July, Rogers' frank and self-effacing list of marriage dos and don'ts has been shared and reshared by more than 350,000 people around the world, with more than 10,000 likes and hundreds of positive comments.

Rogers, a motivational speaker in the US, has described the response as "super humbling".

"I feel incredibly grateful for all those who have listened and chosen to work a little harder on their relationships," he said.

"I just hope all of us can be a little wiser as we learn how to love a little better."

Here are three of his tips for making a marriage go the distance:

1. FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to rechoose each other everyday. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

2. ALWAYS SEE THE BEST IN HER. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can't help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

3. IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER … your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it's what you wanted or not.

For the full list of Mr Rogers' tips on love and marriage, go to his Facebook page.