MAFS expert Mel Schilling reveals why she was single for 10 years

Mel Schilling helps people fall in love, but was “not interested” in dating for years – until a terrible first date “turn off” changed everything.

As one of the Married At First Sight relationship experts, Mel Schilling’s job is all about counselling the reality TV couples.

Many singles sign up for the controversial show after years of being single and having no luck on the dating scene – a situation that was once all-too-familiar for Mel.

The 48-year-old spent her 30s single before meeting her now husband Gareth Brisbane just before she turned 40.

The couple tied the knot in December last year and share six-year-old daughter Maddison.

She was a relationships coach who was ‘not interested in dating at all’. Picture: Instagram/Mel Schilling.

Despite being a successful relationships coach, Mel told news.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating she was “not interested in dating at all” before meeting her husband.

“I was single throughout my 30s,” she told host Jana Hocking.

“I was all about my career and travel and living overseas and my friends, and just basically being fabulous. I had no interest in boys whatsoever.”

When Mel would “dip my toe in the dating pool” she would just “attract all the commitment phobes, the Peter Pans, the losers”, as well as ignoring men’s advances.

“My girlfriends would say to me that whenever we went out and guys would notice me, but I wouldn’t even see them,” Mel said.

Mel would either date the wrong kind of men or be an ‘ice queen’ to those who hit on her. Picture: Instagram/Mel Schilling.

“It’s like I was operating on a completely different plane, because I just wasn’t interested, I wasn’t in that mode.”

Instead Mel said she could be “kind of an ice queen” and give off the “wrong” impression to men flirting with her.

“My friends said I had ‘eff off’ written across my forehead and that’s what I projected to everybody, I was prickly,” she said.

“That’s not me I’m usually just so warm and friendly that’s my natural default style.”

But Mel got a “slap in the face” after she was set up on a date with a “poor soul” who was the son of one of her mum’s friends.

MAFS relationships expert Mel Schilling. Picture: Instagram/Mel Schilling.

During the meal, Mel stayed in her “comfort zone” by turning the “date into a business coaching session”.

“I ended up walking him across the road to a bookshop and making a suggestion of a reference book that he should perhaps buy and implement in his business,” Mel said with a laugh.

“What a turn off, could anything be unsexier?”

Afterwards, as she was sending another Saturday night alone at home, Mel realised she had been “doing anything to keep him at arm’s length”.

“It kind of hit me. I thought, what am I doing? I am behaving in a way that is so counter-productive,” she said.

Mel Schilling with her husband Gareth Brisbane and daughter Maddison. Picture: David Caird.

“I know that I want a real relationship, I want to be in a partnership and have the commitment and the love that I see my friends having. But my behaviour is running counter to that.”

After realising her dating pattern was toxic and breaking the cycle, Mel went on to meet her future husband Gareth on dating website e-Harmony.

The pair held a commitment ceremony in Bali in 2018, however, tied the knot legally in an intimate wedding in Melbourne at the end of last year.

“I had a bit of a cry on the day,” she told Who of the “very special” wedding, which totalled just six people due to coronavirus health guidelines at the time.

“It’s just the meaning of it all. I was a late bloomer in life … to be finally saying our ‘I dos’ was an emotional time.”

Originally published as MAFS expert Mel Schilling reveals why she was single for 10 years