‘I fell in love with my boss - I was the nanny’

A former Aussie nanny has revealed what happened when she fell in love with her boss - a much older woman - and what she has learned about toxic relationships.

When Sydneysider Imogen* was 22 years old, her whole world turned upside down after she fell in love with her boss.

It was several years ago and Imogen’s business had failed, leaving her feeling directionless and defeated - and strapped for cash.

She decided to fall back on her babysitting experience and become a nanny, so she logged onto a babysitting website.

That’s when she met Rachel*.

“I didn’t know this then, but the day that I met her was actually the day that I gave up my power… and gave it all to her,” Imogen said.

“From that moment, I was incredibly attached, incredibly infatuated, and I would almost say obsessed with this person.

“She was magnetic and in every moment, I wanted to be whatever she was.”

Rachel was seeking a full-time babysitter for her kids. She was married, much older than Imogen, and very wealthy.

Over a year and a half, Imogen and Rachel grew close. They would often share a bottle of wine after the kids were put to bed at night.

Then one night, Rachel leaned in and asked Imogen for a kiss. Imogen, who considered herself heterosexual up to that point, was taken aback. But since she was so attached to Rachel, she consented to the kiss.

“Everything changed for me in that moment,” she said. “The minute we came apart, I just wanted to do it again.”

Their intimate relationship lasted for a little over a year. They actually even moved in together, but “within a matter of weeks, it was like she wanted nothing to do with me”.

“When I questioned her about it, she said to me, ‘Honey, it was never about you. You were just a pawn on my chessboard. One that I liked to move around’,” Imogen said.

“I was gutted. I felt like an idiot. I felt pathetic. I felt stupid. I was embarrassed. And mostly I was angry.

“For three years I thought I had this wonderful relationship with this woman. She was like no one I had ever met before. I thought I’d found a life partner in her.”

Imogen fell in love with her boss. Picture: iStock

At the time, Imogen was too afraid to tell her family for fear of judgment and rejection. Only a few of her closest friends knew what was happening.

Now, the Sydneysider is sharing her story about the intricacies of this ultimately toxic relationship. The reason she decided to share such a personal story on a public forum was because of how powerless she felt while Rachel was in her life.

“A friend of mine thought I’d been ignoring her on purpose, but it was actually the attachment with Rachel that meant I was isolated from my friends,” she said. “They thought I didn’t like them anymore, but it wasn’t like that at all.”

Since sharing her story, so many others have reached out.

“An overwhelming number of people contacted me, professing they’d finally felt seen and heard by my story,” Imogen said.

“They shared stories that were freakishly similar, their struggles to come to terms with loving an older person, being infatuated with another person, their confusion over their sexuality, and their shame when it came to the thought of telling their family - all things I experienced.”

According to a Seek survey, 30 per cent of Australians have had a romantic relationship with someone from work.

To complicate matters, there was a third person involved - a man named Ben*, who Rachel was seeing when Imogen started working for her.

“It was like a whirlwind of love, jealousy and attachment,” she said.

She and Ben also grew close and bonded over their mutual adoration of Rachel. One night, they both admitted they were jealous of each other and the other’s relationship with Rachel.

“This was the conversation when we both realised, ‘Oh my god, we’re in deep.’ Both of us, with this same person,” Imogen said.

Later, while out one day together, Imogen and Ben hugged.

“Just like when I met [Rachel] for the first time, I became completely speechless,” she said.

“Our bodies came together just like two magnets, like a force just melded us together.”

It has been about six years since the end of the “love triangle”, and Imogen is not in touch with either Rachel or Ben.

Wanting to turn the negative into a positive, the content creator has channeled her energy into writing a book about toxic relationships and the healing methodologies she discovered at a silent meditation retreat she went to after the fallout of the love triangle.

“If you know somebody who is in a toxic relationship - do not abandon them or deprive them of your support and understanding,” she said.

“Offer them as much strength and support as you possibly can, for it’s here that you might help them break free from their chains. Help someone find the courage to choose themselves first.”

Clinical psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia Elisabeth Shaw told Body+Soul that those who believe they are in toxic relationships should reach out to supportive friends and family, be honest with themselves, develop healthy boundaries, focus on themselves, and take stock in order to move forward.

Looking back on that time in her life now, Imogen wishes she knew that her power wasn’t something that could be taken from her, but rather something that was within her all along.

“It took years of soul-searching and self-reflection to realise that what I was seeking in Rachel all along was only that which I was seeking inside of me the whole time,” she said.

“To be self-realised - that’s what I wish I knew back then.”

*Not their real name.