Chantelle Otten reveals ’strange’ detail about relationship with Dylan Alcott

Australia’s foremost sex expert Chantelle Otten says she has a normal relationship with Dylan Alcott – except for one “weird” detail.

Despite being in a job which literally revolves around sex, Chantelle Otten says her sex life is no different to most – nor does she feel pressure for it to be.

“I’m just a normal person who has a relationship,” she told news.com.au. “I’m not my own therapist, I’m not my partner’s therapist.

“I’m not ever going to come into a scenario saying that I know best here.”

It’s so normal that her and boyfriend, wheelchair tennis champion Dylan Alcott, go to couples therapy together.

“I’ve been very outspoken about how my partner and I try and be a couple who grows together and learns together,” Otten said.

“We do therapy for that – it’s not sex therapy, it’s couples therapy, but I think that if I normalise that I go to therapy then hopefully other people can understand, ah well everyone needs help, it’s not abnormal to ask for help.”

The rise of her public profile as a sexologist combined with her romance with Alcott means there is a lot of public interest in their relationship, something Otten admits is “a bit weird”.

“It’s a little bit strange for me, I’ve never asked to be well known in this way,” she said.

“But I’m very, very grateful, because every single person that follows me and supports me and supports Dylan is helping change a lot of narratives and stigmas around not only healthy sexuality, but also around disability.”

Otten said she and partner Dylan Alcott go to couples therapy as part of their commitment to grow together. Picture: @chantelle_otten_sexologist/Instagram.

‘I didn’t have sex education at all’

One of the most surprising details about Otten is that despite being one of Australia’s foremost experts on sex (she’s literally written the book on it with her new release, The Sex Ed You Never Had) her own sex education growing up in Melbourne was lacking.

“I went to a very strict Catholic school because I was a naughty girl and my parents were like, we’re going to send you to the most strictest Catholic school we can find,” Otten said.

“I didn’t have sex education at all. I think we learnt about STIs and we learnt about babies being born but that’s it, it’s so crazy to me.”

Luckily Otten also grew up in a household with Dutch parents who “always talked about sex”, however, it wasn’t until she was in her twenties that she found her career path in psychosexual therapy.

She studied psychology as an undergraduate at university, but it only was when Otten saw a Ted Talk from world-renowned relationships expert and psychotherapist Esther Perel about infidelity that she even considered sexology a possibility.

Otten didn’t have sex education “at all” growing up. Picture: Supplied

“I thought, who talks about sex? Because all my friends were going through troubles, we were all talking about it openly and honestly, but I knew a lot of people didn’t want to talk about it,” Otten said.

Otten went to the Netherlands, where she completed a European Society of Sexual Medicine degree.

“I moved to Amsterdam and did my sexology degree there and tried to absorb as much as I could from a culture that knew better than ours did (about sex),” she said.

After finishing up her degree, Otten moved back to Melbourne where she opened her clinic treating sexual health concerns.

Within two years of opening the clinic went from being run by just her, to Otten employing 10 staff.

Otten said she is “grateful” her relationship with Alcott has helped break down stigmas around sex and disability. Picture: Jason Edwards

‘There was information that was missing’

Working as a sexologist Otten noticed a worrying trend among her clients – many simply didn’t know the basics of sex.

“There was obviously a gap. There was information that was missing that was severely holding up their confidence, it was holding up progress for them, they felt really stuck. They didn’t know where to look for information,” she said.

Otten’s book is available now. Picture: Instagram.

“They were also spending hundreds of dollars seeing me for therapy for stuff that I thought, we need to get somewhere to explain this in a much simpler way, so I can actually now work on your sexual concern and really progress you into the future without breaking the bank.”

It’s what inspired her to write a book on sex covering everything from your genitals, body image, gender identity, different sex acts and sexual kinks.

“I just felt like this was missing,” Otten said. “I felt like I needed to put my knowledge into this book to allow for a foundation for sex education.”

As for her best sex tip?

“Always be curious, you never know what someone wants, you can never assume what someone wants or how someone feels,” Otten said.

“So just be curious about everyone, ask questions, be a good listener, be an active listener and things will work out for you.”

The Sex Ed You Never Had is available now. To read an excerpt of her book, visit Body and Soul here.

Originally published as Chantelle Otten reveals ’strange’ detail about relationship with Dylan Alcott