The top bogan baby names of 2021 have been revealed

The annual bogan baby name list is back, and this year there are a few shockers that will leave you wondering just one thing: Why?

Every year, I think my annual bogan baby names list will be the last because surely I’ve covered every bogan name in Australia.

But every year, Aussie parents prove me wrong. Oh-so-wrong.

Best bogan names for girls

CHARDAE

Nah, nah, nah. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes. I know what this is – it’s Chardonnay sneakily disguised as a fresh new name. Kind of like last year’s Carryn was desperately trying not to be a Karen. Nice try.

JENESIS

I’m not so sure about taking the name of a biblical book or a ‘60s soft-rock band, changing up the spelling, and then giving it to a baby. Seems a bit mean.

MATTEL

I have weird feelings about naming a child after the company that created Barbie. It’s not a particularly attractive word, so what’s the point here? Couldn’t we just go with Barbie or Skipper instead?

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Hello there baby Mattel. Picture: iStock

SATIVA AND INDICA

One couple loved weed so much that they named their first daughter SaTiva after the strain of cannabis. Their friends’ snorting laughter wasn’t enough to deter them from calling their second daughter Indica – another strain of marijuana – 16 months later. Dope!

SHARLET

Because Charlotte is too classy and regal, so we better dumb it down by spelling it bogan-like.

SUMMERBREEZE

This is a name for realsies. All I hear playing over and over in my head is that cheesy ‘70s song. Summerbreeze makes me feel fiiiiiiine… blowin’ through the jasmine in my miiiiii-iiiii-iiiind.

TRYNYTY

WHYYY do you need three Ys in one name? This isn’t a game of Scrabble, it’s your child’s lyfe! I hope Trynyty manages to get a decent job because her therapy bills will be through the roof.

VAGINA

So, this happened. A baby name website tells me it was number 16, 815 in popularity in 2020, which is a relief. Sort of.

VELVEETA

If you’re not familiar with Velveeta, it’s a processed fluoro substance popular in the US that some people call cheese but I consider to be more like plastic. Growing up in Canada, I actually cried the first time I saw the stuff at a friend’s house. My parents were hippies, so I was sheltered. Anyway, don’t call your kid Velveeta.

WEDNEZDAI

Why, tho?

ZACQUELINE

Oh, COME ON! You can’t just take any name and replace the first letter with a Z. Zatilda? Zeremy? Zelizabeth? Zames? Where does the madness end?!

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Crack a coldie! Picture: iStock

Best bogan names for boys

CRASH

I didn’t believe baby names could get any gloomier than Pistol, Dagger and Axe, but I was wrong. At least weapons have a badass appeal to them, but I can’t think of one good thing about a gory collision.

FYSH

I can just imagine the conversation that led up to this being inked on a birth certificate. “Maybe if we spell it with a Y, people won’t think of a guppy.” No such luck, mate. Bloop!

HELLER

New bogan trend alert: aggro boys’ names that end in -er. Examples include Heller, Shooter, Striker, Breaker, Danger and Dagger. I’m going to say NO to all of them.

JACKSIN

Even though this is closer to the original spelling than Jaxxon, Jaxson or Jaxxyn, I somehow find it equally offensive. So close yet so annoyingly far…

KUBA

Human 1: Let’s take the name of an exotic locale, mix the spelling up a bit to make it kooler and ruin our child’s life foreverrrrrr. Human 2: What do you think of Kanada for the next one?

Wadda legend! Picture: iStock

LEGEND

Way to put pressure on a little man. It might be cute when he’s three months old, but he’s going to spend the rest of his life telling people to shut up.

LUNDYNN

I find fancy city names a bit pretentious to start with (think London, Paris, Monaco and Vegas), but this spelling slaughter is just rude.

LYNXX

Animal names including Fox, Wolf, Falcon, Bear and Hawk have been creeping up in popularity for a few years now. I feel like I’ve digested all of those and I’m semi-OK with them. But Lynxx with an extra X is simply unnecessary. It makes me think of those stinky men’s body sprays and I don’t. like. it.

PINCHES

Tee-hee! This is so ridiculous, it’s kind of cute. But let’s be honest: Pinches Taylor will never become a world leader or a billionaire tech magnate.

ROLEXUS

Unless you’re a gangsta rapper’s pitbull, your name shouldn’t be a mash-up of Rolex and Lexus. (And no, Rollie is NOT a good nickname!)

This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission

Originally published as The top bogan baby names of 2021 have been revealed