Stop telling your kids being a 'dibber-dobber' is a bad thing

"Let’s say I explain that no one actually likes a dobber because they're more self-righteous than a vegan in McDonald's..."

There’s this book my kids love, featuring a cartoon family of blue and red cattle dogs. You may have heard of them: there's a catchy theme song.

In this book about the episode ‘Swim School’, there’s a lot of talk about ‘dobbing’.

As in, ‘don’t be a dobber’ or ‘dobbing doesn’t feel very good.’

There’s even a caveat in one part: ‘don’t dob unless someone’s doing something dangerous’ and that seems to be the main message.

Hmmm.

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"Snitches get stitches"

Dobbing, also known as ‘dibber-dobbing’ back in my day, goes by many names: ‘snitching’, ‘squeaking’, ‘blabbing’, ‘tittle-tattling’ et cetera.

If you hadn’t already gathered, these words are meant to be an insult. “No one likes a dobber,” is a popular refrain.

But I've been thinking... it feels a bit off to be demonising this impulse in small children who are trying to navigate ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and could leave them open to even worse consequences. 

Take my children (not literally, unless it’s after 5pm and they’ve been at a party that day), for example.

My daughter, five, will ‘dob’ on her little brother, three, when he’s doing something that she might have been told off for doing, such as using yoghurt to make a postmodern artwork on the couch.

In her head, she’s recognised that is ‘wrong’ and therefore, action must be taken, as it was with her.

Do snitches still get stitches in 2024? Image: Cherie Gilmour

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"A sense of innate justice"

To me, this is not ‘dobbing’, but my daughter’s innate sense of justice: her brother is doing the thing that she now knows is wrong and must be addressed.

But let’s say that I reprimand her for being a ‘dobber’. I explain that no one actually likes a dobber and she’ll be better off down the track if she refrains from snitching on anyone; presumably because she’ll have more friends.

Of course, I’ll add: ‘unless someone is doing something dangerous’, but this gets confusing. What in her five-year-old mind constitutes ‘dangerous’? Do I write a list? And what about leaving her open to the risk of having an adult use ‘not being a dobber’ against her to do unspeakable things? 

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"More self-righteous than a vegan in McDonald's"

I can understand the philosophy: no one likes a dobber because they’re generally more self-righteous than a vegan in McDonald’s.

I once dobbed on a fellow classmate in primary school for colouring in under the table during morning prayers, and he remembered this many decades later, as though this was a defining moment of his life, or perhaps a defining feature of my personality.

It had obviously stuck. I get it.

Growing up in a Christian family, we had the whole, ‘he who is without sin cast the first stone’ drilled into us, which is all well and good, but what about ‘whistleblowers’? Concerned citizens who risk their livelihoods to reveal corruption within huge corporations? Are they ‘dobbers’?

What are we to do with, ‘if you see something, say something?’ signs in airports? Should we add the footnote: ‘Only if someone is doing something dangerous, otherwise keep it to yourself, no one likes a dobber’? 

There are times when it’s important to speak up, and my kids are too young to understand the difference between dobbing on your little brother and ‘dobbing’ on a drug company who are marketing addictive opioids.

So, can we tone it down on the whole ‘dobbing’ stigma, because it’s hard enough as an adult to navigate moral etiquette, let alone explain these complexities to a child. 

"Being a concerned citizen"

Let’s stop demonising the word ‘dobbing’ and replace it with something else: how about ‘being a concerned citizen’?

As in:

"It’s great that you’re being a concerned citizen of this household and informing me that your brother is doing a prohibited activity.

"I appreciate your concern for the operations of this house and anyone who might be in violation of them.

"Please kindly resume your colouring in and allow your mother to maintain continued surveillance on the situation."

At least this way, your five-year-old will be so baffled by what you’ve just said they’ll probably drop it.

Originally published as Stop telling your kids being a 'dibber-dobber' is a bad thing