Should your child sleep in the same bed as your ex’s new partner?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but the emotion behind it is real.

Blended families bring up questions like “Should your child be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your ex’s new partner?”

I never thought I’d be the one people came to for advice about blended families. I was just a woman who fell in love with a man who had kids.

There was no manual. I had no clue.

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"I used to lie in bed overthinking everything"

Looking back, it was a storm of big emotions and even bigger learning curves. One minute I was navigating new love, the next I was trying to figure out how to exist in a life that already had routines, memories, and people in it long before I arrived.

And I’m not just talking about the kids. I’m talking about the ex. The family. The birthdays. The group chats. The holidays. The dynamics no one tells you about.

I used to lie in bed overthinking everything. What was my role? Was I overstepping? Not doing enough? I started sharing my story—first quietly, then more honestly. 

And the response blew me away. Women messaged me saying, “Oh my god, same.” 

That’s when I realised I wasn’t alone. None of us are.

That’s why I kept going. I started speaking the things most people are scared to say out loud. The messy middle, not just the neat resolution. And when my Dear Stepmum video struck a nerve, my inbox filled with women saying, “I thought it was just me.”

These are the conversations I wish I had when I was in the thick of it. Crying in the car. Feeling invisible. Questioning everything.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

You can read all the parenting books. You can do the journaling, the mindset work. But nothing prepares you for the moment you’re faced with your child, your ex, your partner, and a dynamic that challenges everything you thought you knew.

RELATED: I told my kids' stepmum that my children aren't hers

"There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but the emotion behind it is real"

Let’s go back to the question: should your child sleep in the same bed as your ex’s new partner?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but the emotion behind it is real.

This one brings up fear. Unresolved pain. Boundary issues. It’s rarely just about the bed. It’s about respect, trust, and whether everyone is on the same page about what’s right for your child based on their age, emotional maturity, and needs.

If your child is climbing into bed on a Sunday morning with their dad and his new partner, it likely means they feel safe. Emotionally and physically.

Flip the scenario. You and your new partner are having a coffee in bed and your kids jump in for a cuddle. Are you kicking him out to protect your ex’s feelings? Probably not. You’re doing what’s right for your family, in your home.

It’s okay to feel triggered. But what matters is how you respond to that trigger. Do you lash out? Try to control the situation with rigid rules? Or do you ground yourself in your values and ask what’s truly best for your child—not your ego?

That’s the work.

And if you’re not ready for that conversation, that’s okay. However, silence creates confusion and when things eventually explode, it gets messy. It’s tempting to send emotional texts or fire off accusations, but those don’t fix what’s broken. They just spread the pain around.

"If you stop trying to get it right and just get real, things start to shift"

Let’s talk about the stepparent role. Especially for women.

We grew up with stories about evil stepmothers. We’re told to stay in our lane. But then we’re expected to do the emotional lifting. All the drop-offs, dinners, discipline without the title or the recognition.

You don’t have to be Mum, but you do need to know who you are in this space. Are you trying to earn love? Are you holding back out of fear? Or are you creating something honest and stable that works for your household?

Then there’s the ex. How do you stop them from being the main character in your relationship?

It’s hard. Sometimes their energy lingers through conflict, triggers, or constant reminders. 

You take your power back when you stop reacting. You don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to justify your choices. Your peace matters more.

Focus on your home, your kids, your relationship. Set boundaries. Have honest conversations. Choose what’s worth addressing and what’s better left alone.

Blended families aren’t easy. There’s no script. But if you stop trying to get it right and just get real, things start to shift.

It doesn’t have to be survival mode forever. It can feel steady. It can feel safe. It can feel like peace.

You’re doing better than you think.

You’ve got this.

You’re not alone.

Originally published as Should your child sleep in the same bed as your ex’s new partner?