'Parenting isn’t a performance but social media makes it feel like one'

COMMENT: “A mum potentially poisoning her child for likes is a gut-wrenching betrayal of everything motherhood stands for.”

The thought of a mum deliberately poisoning her child for social media likes and attention isn’t just disturbing; it’s a gut-wrenching betrayal of everything motherhood stands for.

 

As a mother of two young children, I, like many others, find the Queensland mumfluencer's arrest last week both heartbreaking and rage-inducing.

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Social media ideally should be a place where we find community, share advice, and maybe feel a little less alone in this wild ride called parenting.

When did it become a place parents seek validation by exploiting their kids? Where likes and follows matter more than even the safety of a child? How far are some people willing to go for likes, empathy, or even something as trivial as a free coffee machine?

The village is well and truly gone. In this post-COVID world, so many of us don’t have those comforting real world mother’s groups or family around to lean on. Instead, many of us turn to mummy bloggers to help us figure it all out. And sure, some of them are amazing—offering solidarity, real advice, and a sense of connection.

But it can also be a dangerous exercise.

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"Unsolicited advice, unrealistic standards"

Parenting isn’t a performance, but social media sure makes it feel like one.

Likes and follows have become the new measure of success, and that curated, polished world can blur the line between what’s helpful and what’s harmful. It leaves parents like us vulnerable—bombarded with unsolicited advice, unrealistic standards, and, sometimes, outright misinformation.

For mums like me, discussing the Queensland woman's arrest last week online, or in the gym changing room, this isn’t just a shocking headline; it feels personal, striking at the heart of the sacred bond between mother and child.

The guilt we already carry as mums; whether it’s over too much screen time or deeply personal choices like breastfeeding versus formula-feeding, can be overwhelming, and hearing of such a betrayal amplifies these insecurities, making us feel even more vulnerable to judgment.

This isn’t just an attack on an innocent child—horrific as that is—it’s an affront to every woman with a child who sacrifices so much to fulfill her responsibilities with love and integrity.

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"You perform your life for strangers"

For some, social media has turned motherhood into a competition—a twisted popularity contest where you perform your life for strangers on the internet. And when validation becomes the goal, priorities get warped.

Maybe mental health issues play a part in creating a curated persona and series of posts designed to elicit sympathy and admiration as well as followers, freebies and funds.

That’s something I want to believe because the alternative - a deliberate betrayal for likes - is just too awful to contemplate. How far is too far? At what point does the craving for validation become something darker?

So what can we do?

We take back the narrative. Motherhood isn’t a performance, and it’s not a competition. It’s messy and exhausting and beautiful and deeply personal. We need to stop feeding the culture that turns parenting into a game of “who’s doing it best.”

We need to remember what really matters: raising happy, healthy kids who feel loved and safe. That’s it. That’s the whole point. This isn’t just about protecting our children. It’s about protecting the heart of what it means to be a mother.

We need to get back to something real. Real friendships. Real community. Real conversations with other mums who actually care about how you’re doing, not how good your life looks on Instagram.

Let’s rebuild the village.

Originally published as 'Parenting isn’t a performance but social media makes it feel like one'