My teen starves himself all day - he's too lazy to make food or eat properly

"It's not normal as you grow up to just wait for someone to make you a meal," a frustrated Aussie mum writes. Can you relate to this with your older kids?

One may think that the agony of feeding your child nutritious meals gets easier as they get older, but then, one would be absolutely wrong.

 

Many parents know all too well the frustration of getting their teens to eat properly when they have more autonomy - like a mum who this week is at her wit's end with her 13-year-old for "starving himself."

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"Don't ask me what's for dinner"

Writing in an Aussie parenting Facebook group, the mum writes:

"I’m curious to what other’s perspectives/expectations are on this. What age is your son expected to make simple foods for himself like toast, cereal, sandwiches etc? Will he wait for you to make him food or will he make it himself when he’s hungry?

"My nearly 14-year-old won’t eat all day until I make him something. He won’t ask or say anything, he is either outside doing something or online with friends playing so he’ll let the whole day go by without eating because he’s distracted (doesn’t have adhd or anything).

"I’m starting to maybe feel resentment? The laziness to look after his own needs is really showing. He’s not a complete slob or anything cause he cleans and does all chores…but I have to ask him 99% of the time.

"At 13/14 he should be getting up and grabbing a yogurt tub or sandwich for himself when he feels hungry throughout the day, right? Not waiting until 6pm to ask “mum what’s for dinner”.

"Of course I feel guilty to not make him food when he didn’t eat all day, but I don’t want him continuing this, thinking it’s normal to wait for someone to make you food. He is definitely capable… he's happy to get himself chocolate or chips!"

Image: iStock

"They have different priorities"

Many of the parents in the group related hard to the mum's frustration.

"Hopefully this will make you feel better, I have twin 13 year of boys, one twin at age 10 was making scrambled eggs and bacon, using the air frier, using the oven for frozen pies and frozen pizza, making ham and cheese croissants, basically feeding himself as needed, using the microwave, making himself smoothies," one mum shared.

"The other twin at age 13 will starve himself before making a Vegemite sandwich. Taught them the same things, encouraged equally… at the same time. Nature v nurture … nature has a lot to answer for."

This commenter was also reassuring, writing, "They do eventually grow out of it, but can be very common at this age and it’s not necessarily because you are enabling laziness or doing something wrong - they just have different priorities. If the not eating means he becomes hangry, demanding or ungrateful, I would pull him up on it.

"Otherwise, just like toddlers - if a teen is capable of preparing food but doesn’t, remember your job is to provide healthy options and their job is to choose what or how much they eat.

"I do personally find it makes a big difference if I keep healthy grab and go stuff at their eye level in the fridge - veggie sticks, loose or cut fruit, yoghurt tubs/squeezes, shredded meat, diet jelly, single serve dips, cheese slices, pot of cooked rice/pasta etc in the fridge and things like nuts, crackers, popcorn, dried fruits, small tins of baked beans/creamed corn/tuna snack packs etc in the pantry - whatever he is interested in snacking on."

But one commenter thought the reasoning goes deeper than a lack of interest or motivation. Yep, she blamed "the devices".

"I found you need to turn off devices .Wifi or whatever shut down! Breakfast, lunch and dinner, you take control. It's important they get into a routine of been able to walk away eat know they are hungry."

And other members of the group related because the teen reminded them of their husbands.

"That’s my husband when he’s working from home! Uber eats and coffee are the only things he consumes when I’m not home," one shared.

"My husband still will go most of the day without eating if I don't make his food. He doesn't expect nor ask me to make. He just can't really be bothered," added another.

Originally published as My teen starves himself all day - he's too lazy to make food or eat properly