My husband promised our 3yo could stay up late, then got mad when I didn’t help

“Don't try to be the 'fun parent' if you can't back it up and deal with whatever comes with it.” 

Raising young children typically means having a strict routine for bedtime. 

It’s a pain in the butt and extremely tiring, but once a schedule has been sorted, it’s best to stick with it. 

Steven* and Lucy* certainly have their hands full with their two toddlers, three-year-old Cara* and 2yo India*. 

Their eldest daughter has conjunctivitis, which has made life a little bit harder for everyone. 

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Steven said his toddler could stay up late. He regretted it. Picture: iStock

“I told him I wasn't going to deal with that mess”

According to Lucy, who shared her story on Reddit, their eldest daughter is “suspected [of having] autism”. 

Although they’re yet to have their evaluation completed, they’re “all pretty sure she has it”. 

RELATED: ‘My daughter is always ready for bed after these sensory activities’

Due to her conjunctivitis, she won’t be attending preschool until she gets better, so her dad decided to give her a little surprise. 

“Last night at dinner, my husband promised the 3yo that she [could] stay up late,’ the mum wrote. Lucy wasn’t too pleased with her husband’s plan and asked him how late he intended for Cara to stay up. 

When he said “9pm”, Lucy’s eyes widened; their 3yo’s normal bedtime is 7.30pm, meaning she’d likely be running a muck while their other child was peacefully snoozing. 

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“I told him I wasn't going to deal with that mess,” Lucy said. “If he wants to let her stay up that late, he can be the one to get her to sleep.”

Lucy continued with her regular routine, putting their 2yo to sleep at the regular time, all while watching Steven “play with [Cara] while I clean up”. 

As the night continued, so did the problems. First, it was the tantrums, which began at 8pm; the toddler was “miserable when he got her in the bath at 8:45”, only to continue “melting down” as he tried to put her in bed. 

“He eventually gave her the pacifier,” she said, which the couple had been “trying to wean her off”, but that still wasn’t working. By the time 9.45pm rolled around, Steven “brought her to our bed” before she finally fell asleep at 10.

After the kerfuffle Steven got himself in, he was furious at Lucy for not lifting a finger. “My husband told me he's upset with me for leaving him to do everything by himself, even when I knew they were having a hard time,” she said. 

Lucy wasn’t buying it, though. “I wasn't the one that promised the autistic 3yo that she [could] break from the routine and go to sleep an hour and a half past her bedtime,” she said. “But he still thinks I should've helped.”

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“Cause and effect is a good life lesson for everyone”

There wasn’t a whole lot of sympathy for Steven in this argument, and the Reddit community agreed that Lucy was in her right to leave him to it. 

One comment read: “You were extremely clear that he would be doing this solo. He made his choice knowing the consequences it would have. It is not your job to clean up the messes he chooses to make.”

“Don't try to be the 'fun parent' if you can't back it up and deal with whatever comes with it,” said another. 

“You were explicitly clear that if he wanted to deviate that he would deal with the consequences,” penned a third. “Cause and effect is a good life lesson for everyone.” 

Many agreed that “kids that age need routine” and letting their toddler stay up late was a “terrible idea”. 

Someone suggested Lucy “should do this every time he tries to deviate from the routine and rope you into it”. To that, she told the person her husband isn’t “deviating from the routine again”. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My husband promised our 3yo could stay up late, then got mad when I didn’t help