‘My fiance’s grandmother won’t attend our wedding unless we get her a cake’

“At this point, I hope she doesn't show up…”

Alexandra Feiam

3 min read

September 25, 2024 - 2:29PM

Family Life

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The countdown is one for Julia* and *Lucas’ wedding, and the couple couldn’t be more excited.

They’ve got everything they need planned, from the guest list to the table settings, and can already picture themselves walking down the aisle.

But one relative is causing a whole lot of grief for the couple, and they can’t see a way out.

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Lucas' grandmother won't attend the wedding because it's her birthday. Picture: iStock

“No, I am not getting a birthday cake”

While spending time with Lucas’ parents, they began discussing final plans for the wedding.

It was there that Julia's future mother-in-law admitted that her mother - Lucas’ grandmother - didn’t want to attend the wedding.

“We’re about 20 days out till our wedding,” Julia wrote on Reddit, so this news came as quite a shock.

When they asked why the grandmother was refusing to attend, Lucas’ mum explained the wedding was taking place on the same day as her birthday.

“Neither my husband or I knew this,” Julia said.

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According to her fiancée, he “wasn’t close with his maternal grandmother” growing up, and was never very fond of her.

“She is … well … miserable,” Julia confessed, which she said was “putting it lightly”.

While they weren’t aware of Lucas’ grandmother’s birthday, which wasn't a milestone, they did know their wedding would fall around the same date as another relative’s birthday, so they crafted a plan in advance.

“We planned on having a small sign by the welcome/guest book saying to wish them [a] happy birthday,” Julia explained.

But when she discussed this idea with her future MIL, she was met with a tepid reaction. “Well, the sign is OK,” the MIL replied. “But how would you feel if you brought (maternal grandmother) a small cake?”

The idea was hilarious to Julia.

“No, I am not getting a birthday cake,” she said, confessing that she “cannot stand” the woman. In the past, the maternal grandmother has “said a lot of nasty things to my future in-laws”, so the idea of bending to her every whim was a joke.

To twist the knife further, the maternal grandmother “can’t sit with, like, half of my fiance’s side’s guest list”, and while the reason is not known, it’s easy to guess why.

“At this point, I hope she doesn't show up because even me, who believes family comes before almost anything, cannot stand her,” she said.

“Is there some law that says you can't attend a wedding on your birthday?”

Online, people agreed the grandmother’s entitlement was off the charts and couldn’t understand why attending a wedding on your birthday was such a big deal.

“I mean, she can stay home if she doesn’t want to go to a wedding on her birthday,” someone said. “But she’s going be all alone because the whole family is going to the wedding.”

One person asked: “Is there some law that says you can't attend a wedding on your birthday? I'm unaware of that one.”

“Most older people would [want] to spend their birthday with their family. If she decides not to come, who exactly is she hoping to spend her time with on that day?”

And if getting a birthday cake was such a big deal, Julia’s future MIL could organise one herself.

“Don't start bending over backwards for them!” someone said.

Others recommended other ways to celebrate the grandmother’s birthday.

“The most I could do is have the DJ do a shout-out and maybe play a special song for her,” a person suggested.

“I think the sign is very thoughtful and definitely enough. They can have birthday cake for breakfast or something,” said another.

*Names have been changed